Boyfriend didn’t want my mother staying with us

Dear Pastor,

I am 37 and I have a boyfriend. We were living together. He is a fireman. He knew my previous boyfriend, but I did not know the woman he was living with.

He said that she cheated on him and that is why their relationship broke up. Every time we have a little disagreement, he is always saying that he does not trust women because all women are the same. I told him that if he believes that all women are cheaters, we would not get along because I have never cheated on him and I do not intend to do so.

This man does not make a lot of money. I don't have to depend on him for anything. My mother became ill recently and I moved her into my place so that she can get some rest and escape the noise that my sister's children make in her house. When I told my boyfriend what I intended to do, he said that he hoped that she would not be with us for long. I told him that he was out of order to say that, and he might as well find another place to live. He asked me whether I was putting him out of the house and I told him no, but my mother has more claim on my house because he is just my boyfriend, and I am paying all the bills.

One Monday evening after I came home from work, I discovered that he had packed up his belongings and left a note saying that he was going by one of his relatives to stay until my mother leaves. I called him and told him to come for his belongings within 24 hours, otherwise I would put them outside. I told him that he could consider our relationship finished because I can get another man, but I cannot get another mother. The following day, my mother told me that he came and picked up everything he had and he was very nice to her. She said I should call him and tell him to come back. I did not tell my mother what he said.

I was wondering why he was so nice to my mother when he came for his belongings and frankly, I don't care about him any more. My mother is feeling much better, but I do not intend to ask her to leave unless she wants to go. By the way, this man is still married. When I met him, he told me that he had filed for divorce, but now that he is gone, I have checked with his lawyer who told me that he is still legally married. I do not want to have anything to do with this liar.

G.M.

Dear G.M.,

This man was behaving as 'man a yard'. He had everything to his convenience and you were treating him very well.

But when he questioned why your mother should be brought to the house, he went too far. Nevertheless, I would say that before you went for your mother, you should have told him that you intended to bring her to stay with you until she recuperated. But he was rude to say that he was hoping she would not be with you for any long period of time.

The house is not his and he does not seem to be a good partner if he is always telling you that he does not trust women. He has not yet grown up. He is still a boy. Don't take him back into your house. Save yourself the stress of having to cope with an immature man.

Pastor