Boyfriend is pressuring me for sex

September 11, 2025

Dear Pastor,

I am a 20-year-old woman and I am struggling with a problem. I am a dedicated Christian.

I am very active in my church and I am a Sunday school teacher. I have two sisters who are married, so they are no longer living at home. I am still living at home, but I am attending college. I am involved with a young man who is also attending the college. He said he is a Christian, but he doesn't attend my church. I have come to love him very much. He is in his final year at college, then he is planning to go to university in America for two years. He has already been accepted. He is very brilliant. He suggested that we should get married before he leaves, but my parents are telling me that is not wise.

His parents are also telling him the same thing. He is afraid that I would find somebody else. I know another guy who loves me, but I do not intend to say yes to him while I am with this super guy. Another big problem I am having is that my boyfriend wants us to have sex. He said that he does not believe that he can go away for two years and leave me and not have sex with me. I have been trying told hold out on him because I know that the Bible says to have sex before you marry is wrong. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep when I think that I may lose this guy if I don't consent to having sex with him. But I also say to myself, 'Suppose I agree to have sex with him and then he goes away and finds another girl and marry her?' He would betray me.

My mother and I have a good relationship and I told her that the guy wants us to have sex. She told me that the only precious thing I have is my virginity, so I should not give it away regardless of how much he loves me. We talk a lot on the phone and he is always ending the conversation by saying that he wants 'that thing' and I always tell him to have a cold shower and go to bed.

Do you think that I should have sex with him? And if I have sex with him, would he lose respect for me? Do you suggest that we should get married before he goes to university in America?

Y.W.

Dear Y.W.,

You are a Christian young woman, so I would suggest that you should endeavour to maintain a high standard in your faith.

I would suggest that you tell this man whose love for you seems to be genuine that you are not running away, and you would wait for him until he returns from university. I am assuming that he is hoping to do his master's degree, which may take him two years in America. The Bible says it is better for a person to get married than to burn with passion, but circumstances often prevent people from getting married as soon as they feel that they are in love.

Take the advice from your mother; she is a wise woman. Tell your boyfriend to wait, and if he is not prepared to do so, tell him that you would rather for both of you to break up. Mean what you say to him. If the love that he has for you means much, he would not want to end the relationship with you.

Pastor

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