My fiancé and I grew like brother and sister

Dear Pastor,

I am 27 years old, the same age as my fiance. Our parents are very good friends. When we were kids, my parents and his parents would take us on vacation together. So we were like brother and sister when we were growing up. We attended the same prep school, but I went to a girls school.

We went to university together, and it was while we were at university we became intimate friends.

I was not his first girlfriend. He fell in love with another girl, but when they were having problems, he came to me and told me all the things she was doing that were upsetting him. I used to give him advice, although I was not a counsellor. Eventually he told me that he was falling in love with me, and he was going to break up with her. He then asked me to become his serious girlfriend.

We started to go out together when we were 24. By that time, both of us graduated and my sister and I shared an apartment.

He is a sharp dresser. He was still living with his parents and my sister and I were living on our own. He used to come to my place and cook. He cooks very well, but I do not like the kitchen.

A year ago, we got engaged and my sister got married, so this man and I have been living together. We plan to get married early next year. I used to be a good Christian, but since I am living with this man, I don't feel I am a Christian any more because he has eaten the forbidden fruit.

We are putting everything in place for our wedding. He wants a small wedding, but I have so many friends and coworkers that I would love to have them at my wedding. I am a very jealous person; I could not stand to see other women hugging up my man. He told me that that comes with the job as a politician. So I told him if he wants a second job, he can apply for another job and keep away from politics.

I really love this man. Both of us are putting away money to buy ourselves an apartment. We are presently paying $120,000 per month for the apartment in which we live. There is a vacancy at the company I work. I am contemplating on applying for this position. I stand a good chance of getting the position and doubling my salary. If I stand this position, I would make more than what my fiance is making, but he doesn't like that.

I would like you to give me your advice.

C.L

Dear C.L

You and your fiance have to compromise. He should not feel that he can have his own way in the relationship; neither should you feel that you should have your own way. A good relationship doesn't go like that. Both of you love each other, so you are planning to get married.

He wants a small wedding and you want a large one, but both of you are educated enough to know that you can save lots of money by cutting the size of your wedding. And when I say the size, I mean the number of guest you are inviting, the place you are going to have your reception and the menu that you will choose. So, don't insist that you want a large wedding, meet this man half way, so to speak.

Concerning the new position, you are planning to apply for, do not allow what you earn to stand in your way at all. A mature man should not be worried whether his spouse earns more than himself. Similarly a mature woman should not use that against her spouse when they have a little family dispute or planning for the future.

I hope you will get the position. Cost of living is very high, and the more money you can earn, you would be able to meet your bills without much stress. I am assuming that you are planning to have children. Let me tell you that children are very expensive to maintain.

You are concerned about your partner's job. If you do not like politics, your husband should learn to stay away from it to please you, because the spouse of a politician has a big role to play in his success.