Left my wife for my side chick

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem and I am seeking your opinion. I am 42 years old and I am divorced. My marriage did not last long because my wife was being tutored by her mother. Everything we discussed between ourselves was later discussed with her mother. To make matters worse, her mother would either say that she approved of it or tell her that it was too risky.

I became tired of hearing from my wife that we should not do this or that because her mother said it was too risky and that I would not make much money from it. Her father was always on my side. He would tell me that whatever was in my heart to do, I should do it because I would never be comfortable with myself if I saw others with similar ideas prospering.

My wife's mother only wanted to have everything right in the moment. She did not save her money and she taught her daughter to spend wildly. So whenever I gave my wife money on a weekend, by Monday she would tell me that she had to do one thing or another but did not have any money. She loved the bling-bling lifestyle; always going to the beauty salon to do her hair and nails.

I came to realise that she would not make a good wife for me. She started accusing me of having other women. To be truthful, I had a girlfriend on the side. She was not as good-looking as my wife, but whenever I was with her, I felt more comfortable. This woman did not nag me, but my wife was always nagging. She was younger than my wife.

I do not know what got into me when I married my wife. My outside woman had three children for three different men, but she kept herself well and I did not allow the children to get in the way of the love I had for her. Her children respected me and called me uncle.

My wife completely turned me off. We were not even having sex. I could not get an erection when she touched me in bed. I had to think about the other woman to become aroused. My wife constantly told me that she knew I had other women.

My wife went on vacation and got involved with another man, so I filed for a divorce. I am now living with the woman I cheated on my wife with, and she wants me to marry her. However, I do not want to take the risk of getting married again. I told her that we could continue living the way we are now, but she wants to be called a married woman. She wants to be able to go to her church and show her friends that she is a married woman. I do not know if that would change anything.

Please give me your advice.

M

Dear M.,

You said that this is a good woman and that is why the two of you are together. According to you, your wife was not a good woman. She was more interested in the bling-bling lifestyle, so you divorced her and found a woman who is not that type.

You should therefore not have any difficulty marrying her.

I think that perhaps your concern is that although this woman treats you well, she has three children by three different men. People may question why you chose to marry a woman with three children by different fathers. I do not mean to imply that it is anybody's business, but this is Jamaica and people will talk.

This woman wants to be married, so tell her to make an appointment for both of you to meet with a family counsellor and discuss the way forward together.

Pastor