Cheated on my husband at a ‘hotel’

Dear Pastor,

I am facing some problems with my husband. He is very mean and he does not help me with anything. I am not getting any benefits from my marriage. He curses me like a dog. I have to say that I am living in filth.

Recently, I met a man who told me that he has been admiring me for a long time, and he just wants me to say the word and invite him into my life. I have been thinking about this man and I am ready to take the step and move on from my husband. My husband is a hard drinker. He would not even know if this man should come to see me at the house, but I have never encouraged the man to do that. My husband is in his 60s and he does not have any use for a woman. He has caused me to become a bad woman. Since I have met this man I have been to a whorehouse. When this man invited me out, I asked him where we were going and he told me we would go somewhere that I had never been. I trusted him and went with him. He called the place a 'hotel', but I called that place a whorehouse. Even the person who collected the money from him, we could not see her face. I told the man that we should leave, but he said all these places are like that.

I needed the money to pay my light bill, so I stayed. But I was not comfortable. We were at the place for about two hours, and after we had sex we left. It was the first time I cheated on my so-called husband. When I went home, my husband was still sleeping. He did not know when I left or when I returned. I promised myself that I will not go back to that place. So the next time we had sex, we did it in his car in a friend's driveway. The friend was not at home. My man friend had the key to his house, but I was afraid to go inside.

This man is telling me that he would marry me if I divorce my husband. The first time I had sex with this man, he gave me $20,000 to pay my light bill and to buy some groceries. The second time he reduced the amount to $15,000. He told me that if I do not want to go back to the hotel, he would have to find another woman who will not object to going there.

I told him to try and understand my situation. I am 41 years old and I am not accustomed to doing these things. If my husband would help me, I wouldn't have to keep a man with him.

N.E.

Dear N.E.,

You did not say how old this man who has now become your side man is, but it is evident that you love him. You are quite willing to have sex with him.

The only thing that bothers you is the place that you had sex with him. He told you that he was taking you to a 'hotel', but as you saw, it was not a regular hotel. You describe the place as a whorehouse.

You were able to go to that place with your lover while your husband was drunk and was sleeping at the matrimonial home. It is amazing what some women find themselves doing to pay their bills. This man is not willing to support you financially unless you are willing to have sex with him, whether at the hotel or in his car. I feel sorry for you.

If that is what you have to do to get money from the man who says that he loves you, wouldn't it be better for you to get yourself a job or divorce your husband? I am just asking questions, but I am not condemning you in any way. I know for sure that your husband is a wicked man, and you know for sure that what you are doing with this other man is risky. I suggest that you ask your husband whether he would go and see a family counsellor. If he says that he is not willing to do so, you should seriously consider divorcing him. Make an appointment to see a lawyer.

Pastor