Happy that my parents love my boyfriend

Dear Pastor,

I recently started reading your column, and I enjoy doing so. I used to hear people talking about it, but I never read it until I started to attend college.

My roommate bought THE WEEKEND STAR and she used to comment on what she read in your column. I grew up in a very sheltered home. I am an only child for my mother, but my father has three other children. They are on their own. My father is a good provider. He plays around with other women and my mother is aware of it, but she doesn't make it bother her. My parents had a sweet 16 birthday party for me and I invited my schoolmates. I also invited a guy who loved me. He was living in the community. But when I told my mother that I invited him, she said that my father didn't like him because he does not come from a good family. I was so disappointed.

I cut my birthday cake with one of my male cousins, and I made sure that I kept a piece of it for this guy. My father was right. While this guy was telling me that he loved me and he was going to wait until I got older, he was sleeping with another girl. Four months after my birthday, I heard that he got a girl pregnant. He told me that it was because of the way I treated him why he had to go out with other girls. I dropped him as a friend.

I am now 19 and attending university. I am dating a young man who I took home to my parents and they love him. My father and this guy's father are both engineers. They know each other and my father likes him. I want to believe what this guy told me. My mother and I talk about my boyfriend, and I told her that he said he didn't have any other girlfriend. She said that is what my father used to tell her, and she loved him so much that she believed everything he told her, until she found out that he was having an affair with her best friend. That almost caused them to break up, but my father told her that it was his fault. So she forgave him and she went into her church. She never allowed him to get her pregnant again. His outside children are very respectful to her. Two of them are boys and they are always checking on her, even calling her mommy.

My boyfriend is 22 and he is from a middleclass family. He is still living at home. They have accepted me, but I have never slept at their house. He said he would like us to get married when he is 26. We take our chances in having sex, but we always use a condom.

F.M.

Dear F.M.,

I respect your wise parents. You communicate very well with them. You are an intelligent young woman. When your parents were going to celebrate your 16th birthday and you wanted a certain young man to attend the party, your mother told you that your father didn't like him. Some girls would have invited him anyway. It wasn't long for you to find out that this young man was a player. He gave you a very foolish reason for playing around with other women. You haven't lost anything by not having him in your life.

Now you have met a man who you consider to be a good man, and your father likes him. You have come to realise that his father and your father know each other very well. Your parents have accepted this young man, and his parents have accepted you. I hope the relationship will grow; and I also hope that both of you will not be carried away and allow you to become pregnant. Study hard and become a professional. Most men love women who can take care of themselves and who have good jobs. Good women don't depend on their parents to support them. Occasionally, parents may find that they have to give them a little help, especially if they want to buy property or a vehicle, etc. But children should learn to stand on their own. So as you get to your education, learn to stand on your own feet, so to speak.

I wish this man and you the very best in life.

Pastor