Can’t get over my dead boyfriend

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you with tears in my eyes. I am 21 years old and I lost my boyfriend in an accident one year ago. I have not got over the loss. We were friends from we were in high school. He was two grades higher than me. We were always good friends and people used to say that we were acting as if we were married. Sometimes I gave him money from what my parents gave me, because sometimes he used to come to school without breakfast. I was very jealous of him. No one can tell me that what I felt was not true love. I loved him from the bottom of my heart.

I did not trust any of my friends around him because these girls only talked about sex and what they could do with guys. I recently started talking to a new guy, but it is hard to forget this guy who died in the accident. I know his parents. So, from time to time, I call his mother and they are always happy to hear from me. Sometimes I dream about him and it is like I am seeing him and I am very happy. But, when I wake up, I realise that it was only a dream. I wonder whether I am going crazy. My mother knew him and she told me that I should try and get over him, but it is not easy to get over this man because I loved him so much. It was not infatuation, it was genuine love.

I am sorry he did not get me pregnant because I would have something to keep for him. Death was not something we were looking forward to. I am planning to go to his grave and to put flowers on his grave this weekend. Do you think that is wise for me to do?

L.H.

Dear L.H.,

It is not a bad idea to visit this man's grave on the anniversary of his death. You can't bring him back, but at least you can put flowers on his grave as a memorial. I cannot question whether it was true love you had in your heart for him. You write as if it was not infatuation. I am sorry for your loss. It might take many more years to get over him. Some people hate what took place in their lives and others cherish their first love. You had a relationship you cherished.

Don't rush into another relationship until you have fully gotten over this man.

Pastor