Husband and stepdaughter trying to get rid of me

Dear Pastor,

I have a burning issue. I am a Jamaican and I'm married and living in another country with my husband. We do not have children.

I'm 43 years old and we are living in the country where he is from. We have been living together for over 12 years. He has a 27-year-old daughter. As a wife in this man's home, I cannot buy anything and put it in the house. If we plan to buy furniture, for example, I cannot contribute to it. The only thing he allows me to do is to buy food. You know at Christmastime, women like to buy nice things for the house like curtains and new furniture. But this man doesn't allow me to do so. He allows his daughter to do the duties that I should do. But he wants me to cook, wash his clothes and have sex with him. Anything I want to buy, he says no, but his daughter can. His daughter is very annoying. Sometimes she doesn't want me to use the bathroom and the kitchen. She does not even want me to collect the mail.

I believe that my husband and his daughter have something planned that I don't know about. What do you think about that? Sometimes I sit and cry my eyes out. I don't love this man any more. Neither do I love his daughter.

M.J.

Dear M.J.,

This man is not treating you as his wife. He has no respect for you and neither does his daughter. You are reading the situation very well.

This man believes that if you were to buy furniture or anything at all for the house, you may claim them when it is time for him to kick you out of the house. I believe that he is planning to ask you to leave when he thinks that the time is appropriate. Perhaps he is saying that you came into his house with empty hands, so he is going to see to it that you leave with empty hands.

I don't know exactly which country you live. I do know that if you were a smart Jamaican woman, you would seek legal advice and know your rights as his wife. He is out of order and so is his daughter. You should have more rights in the house than his daughter. Why should his daughter prevent you from using the bathroom and the kitchen? What is she telling you to do? Go outside and have a shower, and cook in an outside kitchen? The girl is 'facety'. And you must stand up for your rights. You must remember that you are a Jamaican, and Jamaican women don't allow stepchildren to push them around or to walk over them.

I repeat, get legal advice. But I would say go further. Plan to leave because you know that is what this man wants. But do not leave with empty hands. Make sure that you don't get into physical fights with his daughter. Plan every move intelligently. And while you are planning, keep your mouth shut. Don't even tell your closest friend what you are planning to do. I hope you are employed. If not, try to get a job. Remember that you can do house chores, but you are not just married to this man to wash his clothes, clean his house and have sex with him to meet his sexual needs. I will be praying for you.

Pastor