Boyfriend pressuring me for premarital sex

Dear Pastor,

I am 23 years old and my boyfriend is also 23. Both of us are Christians. I am a virgin. My boyfriend did not know that I was a virgin. We met in church.

I am on the youth choir and he became a part of it. He is a good musician. He plays the keyboard very well. I just love this guy. He used to have a girlfriend but they broke up. She said that they broke up because of me, but that is not true. My boyfriend said that she talked too much and she disrespected him and so his mind was turned from her. Then she said things about his parents that he didn't like and so he left her.

This young man and I would like to get married in 2024, but he does not see himself waiting so long for us to have sex. I told him that he would have to wait. Because I have come to realise the type of person that he is, I am afraid to go out with him. We went to Port Royal to buy fish and when we were finished eating and left, I called my mother twice to let her know where we were. My boyfriend was annoyed and accused me of calling him a rapist. I know that he is not a rapist, but I do not want to take chances. I have two girlfriends who were raped by their boyfriends and I don't want that to happen to me. And my boyfriend is telling me that he doesn't think he can wait until 2024 for us to get married. I am confused and I don't know what to do. I asked him if he and his former girlfriend used to have sex and he said yes.

Please, Pastor, tell me what to do.

M.L.

Dear M.L.,

You now know that this young man is not prepared to wait until you are married to have sex with you. And if you are not prepared to have sex with him, you should end the relationship with him and let him go his way. At least he told you what he has in mind. You cannot say that he is catching you off guard.

Some men are not prepared to wait to have sex after they get married. So make up your mind what you would really like to do. And remember you will not be losing anything if you refuse to have premarital sex.

Pastor