Don’t want my boyfriend to be a ‘rum head’

Dear Pastor,

This is the first time I am writing to you and I hope that you will give me good advice. I am 19 years old and I am living at home with my parents and siblings.

My father did not treat my mother well when we were growing up. But my mother said that she made a vow to stay with him until death. Two of my brothers left home and went to live in America. They have been helping to support my mother and us. My father is a 'rum head'; he drinks a lot and whenever he comes home, he just lies down and sleep. Sometimes we have to take off his shoes, but he does not curse like some men. We know that he wastes his money at the rum bar and that he gambles. He is not a Christian, but my mother is a Christian.

We heard that our father has two children outside, but my mother said that was before she married him, and she has never met these children. I asked him one day if we have brothers and sisters outside and he told me not to ask him foolishness. I am attending university and to my surprise, my father assisted me with $100,000 to help me with my fees. The second year he gave me $50,000. It was the first time I jumped and hugged my father and kissed him on his lips, because I did not know that he had that amount of money put away.

I have a boyfriend who is 30 years old and he drinks. I told him that he will have to stop drinking if he is serious about me, because I have seen what liquor can do and how it has affected the relationship between my father and my mother. Pastor, he does not think that I am serious, but I am. I don't want any man who drinks, smokes and gambles.

I will always read your column and listen to you. You are a father to many of us.

Anonymous

Dear Writer,

Let me begin by commenting on your mother. She loves your father and she was determined to make her marriage work. She did not want to break her vows, so she has remained faithful to your father.

Your father loves his rum, but he has not wasted all his money because he was able to give you money to attend university. And he has not been disrespectful to your mother and to his children. I hope that you will love him and do your best to support him when you are working.

Concerning this man who loves you, stand firm in what you believe. Don't give him the impression that you will settle for anything from a man. I wish you well.

Pastor