My boyfriend said my vagina is too big

Dear Pastor,

I am 26 years old and the mother of two children. Their father and I broke up three years ago, but I have another man in my life. I am also employed. My children love this man very much, and they respect him. It took him a long time to agree to sleep with me all night. He said that he did not want them to wake up and know that he spent the night at the house.

My brother helped me to buy a car, and my boyfriend's car was down and in the garage. I told him he could use my car to get around, but he refused to do so. He said he did not want my brother to see him on the road with my car and call me about it. I had to give him money to buy the part for his car and to get him back on the road. He has a good job, and I am proud of him.

One night we were having sex, and he shocked me by what he said in the midst of the act. He asked me why my private part is so big. I froze. I could not believe what he said. I couldn't enjoy what we were doing after that. When I said I froze, I just stopped because when I didn't answer, he repeated it and this time he used the 'P' word.

When he discharged, I sat in the bed and asked if he was aware of what he said and he said yes. Then he told me that he wanted to say it to me a long time. I asked him when he discovered that I was very big. He told me that sometimes it feels bigger than other times, and he was wondering whether I am cheating. I couldn't believe that this man would think that I am having sex with other men and stretching out my vagina, because I know that is what he meant.

END THE RELATIONSHIP

I asked him if he had lost respect for me. He said that he didn't, but a man has to ask questions. I told him that we should end our relationship because although I have had my time with other men, since we have been together I have never cheated on him. He also asked why my vagina sometimes make noise when we are having sex. I have not seen him since because I told him not to come back, and it really hurts.

He called me last week and apologised for what he said, and my children have been asking for him. I want to take him back, but I would like to know what has caused my vagina to make the noise. It does not happen all the time.

B.J.

Dear B.J,

You know that you have not kept another man with this guy, who evidently is not a bad man. You must, however, have felt deeply insulted by what he said to you. He probably believed that the noise he heard coming from your vagina was caused from you having sex with another man or more than one man. You are quite correct. There are lots of men who believe that when a woman has sex with different men her vagina can become so stretched that when she is having sex it can cause noise.

The truth is the vagina can 'queef' because of air that is trapped in the vagina. And when a woman is having sexual intercourse and the penis is in her vagina, it can displace the air that is inside of her.

It is something that can occur even at a doctor's office during a pelvic exam when a doctor inserts a speculum device. The same is true of a woman who might be using sex aids or even her fingers. So tell your boyfriend that you are not guilty of what he is accusing you of.

Pastor