My wife’s clothes are too skimpy

Dear Pastor,

I am 23 and my wife is 20. We have been together since we were in high school.

We got married two years ago, but she has been displaying a form of behaviour that I cannot take. She likes to wear clothes that I do not approve of, and we are not living in our own place. We are renting from some Christian people.

I have spoken to my wife on numerous occasions, begging her to cover up. She tells me her body is her body. I told her no, her body belongs to me and I do not like the exposure. We do not have children. Sometimes brothers from our church visit us and I can see them staring at my wife. She does not even sit properly when they are here. I asked her what is wrong with her legs why she can't keep them closed. She said nothing is wrong with them, I am just too jealous. I cannot say that I am not jealous, but if you should see how my wife sits, I am sure that you would agree with me that she is inviting the men into her life.

The first girl I was intimate with behaved like my wife. I knew that she was inviting me in and I accepted the challenge. When I didn't accept the challenge right away, she asked me if I was sick. I told her no. I did not give her the chance to ask me that again. I took up the challenge. So I know what we are doing is not right. I have had to stop some of my friends from coming to the house, because they are not married and I don't want them to have an affair with my wife.

A few weeks ago my wife and I went to the beach. Some of her friends were also there. She wore the sexiest swimsuit. Some of my male friends were even teasing me about what she wore. I was embarrassed. I left the beach long before it was time for us to go home. We fussed about what she wore throughout our journey home. She did not see anything wrong with what she wore. I told her she was covering the bare essentials. She said she has it, so she can show it. I told her that if she does not change, our marriage will not last for very long. She told me I can do whatever I want. She does not intend to please me; she has to please herself. I don't know what to do with this young girl. I love her, but the exposure is just too much for me.

Do you think I am choosy? Am I wrong in telling her that she has to be decent and should learn to cover up? Please let me hear from you.

B.M.

Dear B.M.,

Your wife fails to understand that she is embarrassing you by the way she dresses.

She has to learn to cover up, and should understand that men are aroused by what they see. Women are aroused most of the time by a touch. That is why some men, when they see a woman on the street half-naked, they say 'Wow, look at that.' That is why they whistle at women when they see that women are skimpily dressed.

As a married woman, it is time for your wife to know what she should wear at home, on the street or at the beach. I would hate to believe that your wife doesn't care how you feel. If she will not listen to you, you may have to have someone teach her right from wrong - what she should wear in private or in public.

When I was a young man, I went to a beach in Negril and I had to turn my head away in shame because there was a girl who was very beautiful, but she did not cover up much. From what you have written, your wife appears to be that sort of a girl. You have done the right thing by stopping your friends from visiting your home, because they would be tempted to accept the invitation from your wife. Before you can count 1, 2, 3, they may have her in bed. I hate to say that to you, but that is the truth. I hope I have not offended you.

If your wife continues to behave this way, your marriage will soon end.

Pastor