My wife does not like my niece

Dear Pastor,

I am 40 and my wife is 29. My niece lost her mother and she does not know her father, so I took her to live with us.

Right now, she is a great help to me. This girl has not done anything to my wife, but from the time she came to live here, my wife has been showing her 'bad face'. Because she has been living here, I have stopped paying a helper. I give my niece the money instead. So, in a real sense, my niece is not living here for free. She cleans and cooks, and we have a washing machine.

My wife does not want her to iron her clothes. She said that she is not doing so to her liking. But she irons all my clothes. One day my wife and I had a disagreement about my niece. Because I was defending my niece, my wife told me that she could never trust me again, because no man should take up for his niece and put down his wife. I was simply saying she was not being fair. My niece has a boyfriend and I told her that he can visit her, but she should not allow him in her room. My wife is upset about that. The girl is 18, why shouldn't she be allowed to have a male visitor? My wife said if she becomes pregnant, she would have to leave. I spoke to my niece and told her that she should not be having sex with her boyfriend.

You know, Pastor, I think my wife is upset because she wanted one of her relatives to live at the house and I did not agree because he smokes ganja. I also don't approve of some of his friends, so my wife holds that against me. I told her that the house is mine and I could not allow my niece to bounce around while I have room at the house. Since my niece arrived, my wife hardly cooks for me. I don't make a fuss over it because whenever I come home, my dinner is ready if my niece does not have to go to school. She gets up in the mornings and makes me breakfast. I took her to the bank and I opened an account with her. I insist that she saves some of the money I give to her. My wife does not need anything; she just hates this girl who was struggling.

One day I was talking to one of my sisters who lives in New York and I told her that my wife is not pleased with my niece living with us. My sister asked my niece whether I have ever 'put question' to her and she said no. When I spoke to my sister a few weeks later, I told her I was surprised that she would think that. She said, "No, brother, I only asked 'so and so' whether you have done that because of the way your wife is behaving." I do not intend to ask my niece to go, because she has nowhere to go. My sister is coming in August to be with us for a week and she would share the room with my niece. I feel better writing this letter to you. If you think that I am wrong, please tell me. I know you are a man who is very frank. So don't butter up anything. I will be looking in THE STAR for your answer.

L.W.

Dear L.W.,

I am glad that you are in a position to accept your niece, but I regret that your wife has not been treating her as a daughter.

You could not be a man with a good conscience and allow your niece to bounce around. You have done the correct thing by having her living at the house and taking care of some of the things that your helper used to do. Your wife should have been happy, because the money that you would have paid the helper is staying in the family. I hope this girl would be respectful to your wife. Let her feel comfortable.

Concerning the young man who is her friend, you have done the right thing. She is 18 and you feel that you can trust her. She told you about him. She doesn't have to hide and meet him in different places. You told her that he is not allowed to go into her room. Your wife should understand that she is an adult and she should be allowed to have a male friend.

Pastor