Came home to find ‘Joe’ on top of my woman

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you with trembling hands. I am in my early 30s. I have one daughter.

Her mother and I are no longer together. This child is only five. Her mother has tried to use her so that our relationship would continue. I was living with her mother, but two years ago, I was not feeling well. So I went to work and I got time off from my boss, who is a very good manager. She told me that she could see it in my eyes that I was not well, so I should take the rest of the day.

My daughter was at day care. I decided to go home and then pick her up later that day. When I went home, I saw an unknown car parked at my apartment. When I got to my door, I realised that my child's mother was home. I was surprised. I opened the door and to my horror, I saw a man on top of my woman; they were naked. The man was not even aware that I had walked in, but my woman saw me, and she used the 'F' word. I said "Yes, that is what the man is doing to you." The man jumped off of her and I rushed into the kitchen to pick up a knife.

The guy grabbed his pants and ran through the front door and my woman ran into the bathroom. I raised my voice and a neighbour came out and asked me what was the matter. I told her that I had just caught my girlfriend having sex with another man. What made it more painful was when she said, "Some of us who live here know that your so-called woman has been taking men to your place for a long time. I am glad that you have caught her in the act." This man got into his vehicle and drove away, but I took up his shirt, his brief, and the condom he was using.

I felt like killing this girl. I have not got over what I saw. I will never forgive her. When I first met her, my father told me that I should be very careful because she did not appear to be the type of girl that would make me happy. But I ignored my father. I have asked her to give me my daughter, but she does not agree. I don't want my daughter to see the dirty life she wants to live.

Can you give me a suggestion how to handle this matter? I would appreciate it.

W.B.

Dear W.B.,

Your letter reminds me of a man who called me on the Dear Pastor Show to tell me about a woman he was in love with.

He was a building contractor and he was planning to marry this woman. He had his own home and the understanding between him and this woman was that he was going to build her a house on her own land, with his own money. After they were married, they would live in his house. This man told me that one day, he felt like visiting her, but not at a time that she would expect him. He went to surprise her. But he got the biggest surprise in his life - he caught her having sex with another man. The brother told me that he was so shocked that he ran out of the house, got into his car and drove away. He drove around, but did not go anywhere special. He could not believe that what he saw was real, but it was.

What a shock you had when you saw the woman with whom you lived, your child's mother, having sex with another man. You would be a fool to go back to this woman. Now, concerning custody of your child, what I would suggest is that you take this woman to court and let that matter be settled by a judge. But please, make sure that you do not go to court alone; please retain a lawyer regardless of how expensive it is.

I am glad you did not get yourself into trouble. I wish you well.

Pastor