Shocked my 17-year-old is having sex

Dear Pastor,

I am a single mother with one daughter. Her father left me after I became pregnant with her.

He wanted me to do an abortion, but I refused. I was living with my grandparents. One day, my grandmother asked me what had happened to me. I told her nothing but she insisted that something was wrong with me because she observed that I was not seeing my period. I didn't realise that my grandmother would know when I should have my period. She asked me if I was having sex and I told her yes. She asked me if I was using protection and I told her that my boyfriend did not want to use the condom. She called my aunt and gave her money and told her to take me to the doctor, who confirmed that I was over two months pregnant.

When my grandmother got the news, she told me that she thought I was a smart girl. I told her who got me pregnant and what he wanted me to do. He eventually left the island and did not communicate with me. So my grandparents and I raised my baby. She is now 17. Recently, I went into her phone and she was very upset because I discovered that she was having sex. I saw the dirty language that the guy was telling her and how he enjoys doing oral sex with her. I was very surprised, so I took away the phone as punishment. My grandmother told me that I should give her back her phone after two weeks, because that will not prevent her from having sex. I told her to take these messages off her phone and to bring her phone to me every weekend. I don't want what happened to me, to happen to her.

I don't understand what time this girl has to be having sex with her boyfriend. Plus, he was not the first man to have sex with her. She is a very bright girl with a big future. But I believe she has been following the wrong company and it is bothering me. I have not got involved with any man to protect her. She and I sleep on the same bed in the same room. What have I done to cause her to go out and take men at her age?

Please for your advice.

L.R.

Dear L.R.,

You have explained yourself very well. You made mistakes as a young girl and you became pregnant.

The man who impregnated you left you and went abroad and has not looked back. He does not even know his child. But your grandmother helps you to raise your daughter and you have now discovered that your daughter is sexually active.

I can tell you that taking away her phone is a method of punishing her for a little while. But your grandmother is quite correct; that will not prevent her from having sex. You may demand that she shows you her phone every week or every month, for that matter, but you can't watch this girl 24/7. Spending time counselling her is the best way to deal with this problem.

Pastor