Wife slept with 12 men in 12 months

Dear Pastor,

I met you some years ago when you did an outside broadcast in central Jamaica. I was very impressed, and I have kept reading your column.

At that time when I met you, I had a girlfriend, but she used to steal love. She had another man. She eventually left that man and I took over completely. She is now my wife.

We have been trying to have a child together but nothing is happening. I have two children with two different women. She doesn't have children, and she blamed that on herself because she could not settle down with one man. She has a beautiful physique and she has a better education than I do.

My people love her, but I am always thinking that she is cheating on me. Just before we got married, she admitted to me that she had slept with 12 different men in 12 months. I asked her why she was telling me, and she said she wanted her conscience to be clear as she was entering marriage. What she did not know is that it made me feel as if I was marrying a girl who used to give away her 'something' to everybody. I asked her how big her account is and she said she didn't have much money, because all the guys she had sex with were her friends and she did not charge them.

We went ahead and got married, but even as we stood before the pastor, I was thinking that I could have done better. My wife has a very good job and she drives a nice car, but when she does not get home within a reasonable time. I am always wondering if she has gone with another man. My mind is never comfortable. I have not discussed this with anybody, but I am beginning to feel that I need to talk to a counsellor. She tells me that she is very happy with me and the only thing that is missing in her life is a child.

I know how I feel about her. I do not trust her 100 per cent. I asked myself the question, why would a woman have sex with 12 different men in one year? Please give me your advice.

Initials Withheld

Dear Writer,

You have married a promiscuous woman, and she was able to live a loose life unknown to you. You probably thought that she was only fooling around with you although she had a boyfriend. You were so wrong. You trusted her. But now you realise that she might be doing the same thing although both of you are married. She doesn't have to. Perhaps she has put that past life behind her. She didn't have to tell you what she used to do, but according to her, she wanted to enter marriage with a clean slate.

I suggest that you accept what she said and don't allow her past life to haunt you, because if you do, you will never be happy with her. A woman doesn't have to tell a man what she used to do. Neither is a man under any obligation to tell a woman what he used to do. This woman chose to tell you, and you still married her; accept her as your wife. If you have good reason to believe that she is cheating, face her on the matter, and seek professional counselling.

Pastor