‘Perfect’ guy turned out to be a cheater

Dear Pastor,

I am writing you this letter with tears in my eyes. I really need some advice.

I've been dating this guy for a year. Things were not always great, but it was okay for most of the time. He was always loving and caring towards me.

He would do everything I ask, if he could, but for some reason I just knew something wasn't right with him. I asked him on numerous occasions if there was something he was not telling me.

He always told me that I was just making up stuff. He always said, "We're good, there's nothing to worry about." Fast-forward to last November, when we decided to move in together. He gave up his place and came to live with me at my apartment, and it was the best thing ever. It was nice going to bed with him. We were in the honeymoon phase because all was perfect, until we found out that I was pregnant. He was not happy hearing that. He told me to get an abortion. I wasn't thrilled about it either, but it hurt when he talked about an abortion.

He told me that it was very young so it would be easy to do an abortion, and I agreed. Later that week, we were at home and I asked him to lend me his phone. He couldn't give it to me. He could not even open it. We had an argument over that and he left that same night. The following weekend I went to the doctor to do the abortion. While I was at the doctor's office, it dawned on me that this is my child, too, so I walked out. I didn't get the procedure done. He came back home and I took him back, but there was something unsettling to me. While he was asleep, I unlocked the phone and searched it.

Pastor, that was the worst, and best, thing I could have done, because I saw things that this man was doing that I was not aware of, and it has broken me for life. Not only are there three other females who he has been having sex with, he also has a girl who is eight months pregnant. To say I am heartbroken is an understatement. I couldn't breathe. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I've lost so much weight because I am hurting. I don't know what to do, where to turn to, how to pick up the pieces. He told me he's sorry. He told me he loves me and wants to be with me. He also apologised. He cries with me, but I just don't believe him. I don't know what to do. I'm carrying this man's child but I don't trust him. How did I end up being one of those females who was cheated on and the guy is still in my home? I'm angry and hurt, but yet still I don't want him to leave. When he leaves the apartment, I wonder if he's being truthful or loyal, where he has been, who he has been with, and what he is doing. This is not healthy for me and my unborn child. I'm severely depressed.

I feel trapped, defeated, and like I am stuck with him because he gave up where he was living to be with me. I know we are stuck together. This man told me to do an abortion because he knew he had another child on the way with another woman. He didn't want my child. So how can he say he loves me?

S.G.

Dear S.G.,

This man did not cry because he loves you, he cried because you found out that he is wicked and good for nothing.

You say that you are stuck with this man; you are talking nonsense. You would be foolish to remain with him. You would be better off leaving this man. After you have given birth, you must insist that he supports his child, and if he fails to do so, you should take him to court for maintenance.

I don't need to tell you that this man is a deceiver; you have already found that out. If you continue with him and allow him to have sex with you, he may impregnate you again. So get smart and kick him to the kerb; and do it now. You will not only survive, but you will do well without him.

Pastor