Shy guy afraid to make love to me

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 and I am having a problem I would like to relate to you. I had a boyfriend and he is 27. He is living alone, but I am living with my parents.

I have visited him, but he is a very strange man. While I was there, he cooked and we had dinner. I told him that whatever we had to do, we had to do it before it was dark because my parents were always warning me not to be on the road late.

I went to the bathroom and showered, and I was waiting on him. He had his shower also and he sat on the bed. I played with him and had him aroused, but he did nothing. I asked him if something was wrong with him and he said no. I asked him if he was sure and he said yes. That man had me on the bed for over an hour and only played with my breasts; he did not penetrate me. He said he was a little tired. Finally I said to myself, "This doesn't make any sense; I have to go home."

He was the first man who had me in such a situation and not penetrate me. The following week, the same thing happened. He only played with me but didn't go further. This time he told me that as a Christian, his conscience would bother him if we had sex. So I told him I would not come back to see him, I would rather find another boyfriend.

I started to see another man and the very first week of our friendship, this man wanted sex. I told him we should give the relationship time. He wanted to know how much time I needed. I told him that on my next visit, we would go all the way. On my next visit, he had condoms and lubricant. We had sex for half an hour, and when we were finished, he gave me an envelope that had $6,000 in it. I told him that I felt like a prostitute to take money from him after sex. However, he said I should take it because I would need to take care of myself.

Now this man and I are moving closer than ever before. The other guy is still calling me and telling me that I should not give up on him because he still loves me. What can I do with this man? I know that he gets an erection, but should I believe that his conscience would bother him if we have sex? He is still inviting me back to his house although I told him that I have found another man.

I really don't know what to do, because going back to his place and allowing him to play with me would be like cheating on the other guy. Please give me your advice.

A.C.

Dear A.C.,

It seems to me that you are accustomed to having sex whenever you visit a man's home. This man who played with you gave you the impression that he was preparing you for sex, and then he failed to do the act. It happened twice. Now that you have found another man, he wants you to continue the relationship that both of you were having. That is not your style.

The man you are with now had sex with you and gave you money. He said he is not using you, but he knows a girl needs money, and he calculated that $6,000 was a reasonable amount of money to give to a girl who went to bed with him. Now, if you are going to become his regular girl, you may tell him that this money is not enough and you were not charging him for having sex with you.

Don't allow these two men to have their way with you. The first man told you that to have sex with you would bother his conscience, and now he wants you to come back to him. Say no to him and mean it.

Pastor