Girlfriend is too secretive about money

Dear Pastor,

This is the first time I am writing to you, but I read your column. I am a 44-year-old man. I was married, but I lost my wife. Now I am having a relationship with a 40-year-old woman.

She said that she is in love with me, but I do not know if I can believe her because she does not share anything. We live together.

When she moved in, I told her that we should make a budget. We sat down to do so. I told her how much I was earning, but she refused to tell me what she earned. I told her I had to know, if we were going to live together and share facilities. She said we could do it another way; I could pay the rent and cable bills, and she would buy food. I have a home, but it is rented and I intended to give the people notice to quit, so that we could move in. I do not know what this woman was hiding, but I decided to work with her. I told her that I would give her three months to decide whether we could live and work together.

I spoke to one of her daughters, and I told her that her mother did not want me to know how much she earned and we had to work with a budget. Her daughter told me how much her mother earned, so I made up a budget by myself and showed it to her. I did not tell her that her daughter gave me an idea how much she earned, but I put the figure down. I take care of almost everything in the house, but this woman does not want to cook. I bought groceries and all she has to do is cook when she comes home from work, but she doesn't. I am tired of the fast-food meals. I told the tenants that I was withdrawing the notice for them to leave and they were very happy, because they are good tenants and they pay their rent on time. I have asked this woman to leave, but she does not want to leave. I am tired of her. I want her out of my sight.

Please give me your advice.

J.W.

Dear J.W.,

You shouldn't put up with such nonsense from a woman. A budget is absolutely necessary. When a couple makes a budget, they learn to live below their means and only purchase the things that are necessary. This woman should have been glad that you are wise enough to suggest that a budget be made. People who have made budgets save and invest more, and they are even able to go on vacations. Without a budget, a couple may be in hot water every month, so to speak. With a budget they learn to keep out of unnecessary debt.

No man should trust a woman who does not want to divulge what she makes, if he is in a permanent relationship with her. Some women try to bleed men, and they expect the men to do everything, while they hide their money somewhere - in a bank, building society or credit union - and they have the names of relatives on their account.

My dear sir, whenever this woman reads my response to you, she may hate me, but I don't care. You are with the wrong woman; tell her to get lost. And if you don't tell her to leave, don't even bother to write me back, because I will consider you a joker in the pack.

Pastor