I don’t have sexual feelings anymore

Dear Pastor,

I am in my early 30s and I became a Christian recently. I used to beat the streets. That is how I survived. I started having sex from I was very young.

Sometimes I had sex four or five times for the night. I was well known on the street. I went for older men. Sometimes I did not have to have intercourse with the older men. They were more interested in having me do oral sex with them.

I had a certain politician who I dealt with and I could look forward to getting $10,000 from him. All he wanted was oral sex. I have even been to his house many times when his wife was away. I have gone right into his office and taken care of his needs there. I knew his wife, but she didn't know me. This man taught me that whenever I was coming to the office, I should dress in suits and heels. So nobody would suspect anything. While I was seeing him, I was living at home, but he helped me to get a nice little place and he was helping me to pay the rent. This man was only giving me $15,000 to help me with my rent, but I was doing drugs. I used to smoke the weed. I also smoked more than two packs of cigarettes every day. But using ganja gave me kicks and I could perform any sexual act.

I became ill and this man paid all my doctor bills. I could not get over ganja use. He encouraged me to go back home, but I didn't. My clients came to see me at the house and my landlord figured out what I was doing. So he gave me notice to leave. Sometimes when I was high, I was having sex but wasn't feeling anything. I did not desire sex; I was only doing it for money.

People told me that I was looking mash down. I had to use heavy make-up and wear dark glasses wherever I went out. I got involved with a guy who used to smoke weed. His girlfriend found out that he was seeing me and she threatened me. He told me he would protect me. I got a visa so I went away. I did not stay long because the friend I stayed with didn't want me to smoke in her house. She got help for me and while I was away, I became a Christian and got married.

I am trying my best to satisfy my husband, but I don't have any sexual feelings. He told me that he cannot deal with me. He believes that I am seeing another man, but I am not. I just don't want to have sex at all.

J.

Dear J.,

I suggest that you see a sex therapist. Illicit drug use can have a great effect on one's sex life. This thing that is called ganja, when one begins to use it, it can give a big sexual boost. But over a period of time, that will diminish.

When I was a young counsellor, a young woman told me that the first time she used ganja, she had the greatest sex. But that did not last. You know from experience that drugs can destroy sexual desire and performance. Many of the guys who sing about what they can do with women are only running their mouths, so to speak. They are noisemakers. As Barbara Gloudon used to say, "Many of them can't do a thing."

I am glad to know that you are not on drugs any more, and that you are now a Christian and married. But I am concerned about the type of relationship you are having with your husband. I don't believe you have told him everything about your past, but I believe that it would help if you admit that you used illicit drugs heavily, and that you would like him to go with you and discuss this matter with a doctor. I am sure that with medical help, you will eventually overcome these problems and be able to satisfy your husband.

Pastor