I prefer my side man

Dear Pastor,

I am 24 years old and I have a big problem. I am with my boyfriend for seven years now. He is 43 and I love him. He is a good man to me. He takes very good care of me and is not abusive. The problem I have with him is that our relationship is so boring. We always argue. We would be in the house and he does not speak to me for days. When we argue, he will tell me what he does for me. When I tell him to stop, he jumps in his car and doesn't come back until later in the night.

He doesn't talk to me when we're home and he doesn't play with me. He is just so dead; we don't go out. He has a good job and owns his car and house. He doesn't go to church or party. He just stays home and watch television or play games on his phone. If I want to go out with my friends or family I would have to beg and plea to him, and if he says yes, he doesn't really mean it. He doesn't even want me to go to church and he is not happy when I go.

I am from a very poor family and this man has given me a life I never knew I could have, and I love him for it. I never cheated on him until he sent me back to school. When I started school I worked very hard. I am a B+ student doing the best I could.

There was this guy in my class that I never really noticed until one day I was leaving class and he stood up. I was shocked at his height because, to me, my boyfriend was the tallest man in the world. He is 6 feet 3 inches. This guy is 6 feet 8 inches. He was a quiet guy in class. He did not talk much. Pastor, I couldn't sleep, and all I could think about was this guy. I would dream about him every night. He is of brown complexion and in my age group. I did not talk to him because I knew it would be trouble for my relationship as I was falling for him. We became friends and he asked me for my number and I said no. I told him I live with my man and I love him and he said we could just be friends. I told him that he doesn't have to have my number for us to be friends.

MOVIES

I was going crazy, so one evening I gave him six digits and told him to find the other that would make my full number and he did. We hit it off right there and we texted and called each other every day. In a month we had sex. It blew my mind. I loved every moment of it. We will go out as often as we could. He took me all over Kingston, to the movies, plays, parties and even church. We had sex five to six times a week. No one at school knew we were together because we didn't talk there.

GUEST HOUSE

We would meet at a guest house. One evening we were at the guest house and I was on the balcony. To my surprise, I saw my boyfriend checking in with a girl. I was so mad, I left the guy in the room and went downstairs to his room and beat the girl. He told the people to call the police on me. I left his house and went to stay with the side man. Eventually, I went back to my boyfriend. He didn't know that I was there with a man. He believed someone saw him and told me he was at the guest house because he begged me to come back. I was not comfortable at my side man's home because he lives with his family in a four-bedroom house and it was full.

When I went back home, I found out that I was pregnant with my side man's child. I was happy because my boyfriend cannot give me kids, so I was going to leave him and go with my side man. He loves me and wanted me to come live with him. He was going to rent a house because he has a taxi on the road, so he could afford to take care of me.

When I was four months pregnant I lost the baby. I was still living with my boyfriend and he found out because I was in the hospital and he was my emergency contact. He asked me what I was going to do and I told him I was going to leave because I didn't want him to kill me. But to my surprise, he took it very well. He asked me who was the father and I told him it was just some guy I went with because he cheated on me. He asked me if I told the guy that I was pregnant and I said no. So he forgave me and just didn't talk about it.

I was still seeing my side man, but my boyfriend didn't know. It's nine months now and my side man is so mad at me most of the time because he wants me for himself. He put me through hell and back, saying I am a gold-digger because I love him but I don't want to leave this man because of his money. He says I am playing with his heart and he is not going to wait on me for too long. He blamed me for his child's death. I told him I am going to leave my boyfriend, but, pastor, I do think about the money.

I love my side man more, but I love the life that my boyfriend gives me. What am I going to do? I need your help.

J.D.

Dear J.D.,

There are some cases that I cannot forget and yours undoubtedly is one. You are a terrible woman. It is true what the bible says, "The love of money is the root of all evil." You are a depraved woman. You would put a man in prison. Your behaviour is from the pit of hell. It is iniquitous. You cannot be trusted and I hope that your boyfriend will see this letter and leave you immediately.

Do you understand why some men don't trust women? Women say that men are bad, but so many of you women surpass men in your wickedness. Cut out what you are doing now before this man with whom you are living finds out your deeds.

Pastor