American girlfriend doesn’t have any manners

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 and I'm currently in a situation in which I need help. I went to the USA to study and while there, I met a 19-year-old woman.

We were both studying and working together. We started dating, although she did so reluctantly. When I concluded my studies, I returned to Jamaica and shortly after that, she visited the island to see me. She is from a wealthy family and her cultural background is far different from mine. For example, she does not say 'good morning' or 'good afternoon' to anyone. She is not accustomed to cleaning the house, because her parents have always had people who did those things for the family. She does not socialise.

Before I went to the USA, I had a girlfriend in Jamaica. She and my mother got along very well. They used to cook together. She used to do my mother's hair. I ended the relationship with my Jamaican girlfriend because I didn't think that it was right to have the American girl and my Jamaican girlfriend at the same time. I could not handle both women, but we have remained friends, but it is non-romantic.

While my parents do not dislike this American girl, they prefer the Jamaican girl. But I had to choose one over the other to have peace of mind. At the same time, I want to make my family happy. While this American girl is willing to adjust to the Jamaican way of life, I don't know if she will really fit in. She is very possessive and does not want me to have female friends, because she had experiences with her ex-boyfriend having other women. I really love this American girl, but I don't know what to do. My goal is to settle down and have children and live a good life.

The Jamaican girl and her relatives are still very close with my relatives. So I don't know what to do.

A.

Dear A.,

I have read your letter and I am convinced that you are not ready to have a woman as a wife.

I have to tell you the truth. You are a boy in a man's pants, and you do not know how to deal with a woman. This sweet Jamaican young woman hasn't done you any wrong, but you went to the USA and got carried away with this American girl, who would not even clean her house and does not even have good manners. Yet you tell me you are confused? You are not confused; you are not exercising good sense.

I better not be hard on you, but someone needs to tell you that you are immature. Since your parents and other relatives won't tell you, I will tell you. You are not ready for a permanent or serious relationship. If you were to marry this girl from the USA, it is unlikely that the marriage will work. May I ask, is this girl still in Jamaica? Whether she is here or in the USA, tell her that you are sorry, but you have to move on. You are not ready for a permanent or serious relationship.

You may not like what I have told you, but that is how I see it.

Pastor