In love with a man nearly 30 years older

Dear Pastor,

I am 26 and I have been living with a man for three years. I love this man more than I love myself.

This relationship started when I was 19. I was working at a service station where he used to take gas. We became friends. He always had a young woman with him, but I love this man.

One day while I was putting gasolene in his car, the young woman left to buy something and I asked him whether she was his girlfriend. He asked me why I was asking and I told him it was because she was always with him. He said she was his niece. I told him I did not believe him. He gave me his card and told me I could call him later that evening. He asked me for my number and I gave it to him. Before I could call him, he called me. He asked me if I had a boyfriend and I told him no.

This man and I became friends. I told him that I used to have a boyfriend, but we broke up because he got involved with my sister. We arranged to meet; and he told me that I should stop working at the gas station and he would take care of me. One day he picked me up after work and told me that he wanted me to go home with him. I told him I was afraid; he said I did not have anything to fear. He showed me where he was living, and his niece was there with him. She confirmed that she is his niece. I had dinner with them and he took me home afterwards. One month later, he got me a job as a receptionist in a business and since that time, we have been lovers.

His niece is still living with him, and I am also there. We live as sisters. We have no argument. My mother visits me. She lives in a depressed area, but this man told me that I should never be afraid to tell anybody where I am from. My father did not support me. Now I am attending college. I am very proud of this man. Sometimes when he has to work at night, his niece and I sleep together. Her parents are in America, but they send money for her.

A few of his friends know that we are lovers. But the neighbours don't know his business. His niece told me that they believe that she is his child because she calls him daddy. She does not have a boyfriend. She looks younger than her age, and she is very bright. This man is 55 years old. My mother told me to hold on to him. He is the second man for me. Do you think that he is too old for me? He has taught me a lot. He wants my mother and my siblings to come to the house for Christmas.

His niece is taking a course in home economics. We are going to do everything for ourselves this Christmas. This man is a good cook, so he would help us do the cooking. Pastor, please tell me the truth, do you think I should be having a relationship with this man?

L.S.

Dear L.S.,

You are very fortunate to have met this man. You said you come from a very depressed area.

You did not believe him when you asked him about the young lady who was always with him. This young lady has confirmed that she is indeed his niece. Now you are convinced that he was speaking the truth. You have not said anything about whether he was married, divorced or a widower. Perhaps you did not feel it was necessary to give me that information.

This man has moved you from the depressed area in which you lived. Your mother was pleased to release you, and she has been encouraging you to stay with this man. You have got a better job and all your bills have been met. That is why I am saying you are a fortunate young woman. I hope you will be true to him.

I do not wish to encourage you to live in concubinage, but this relationship can develop into something permanent. I know you are worried about his age. Some readers may say that this man is taking a risk to have you as his partner. I have seen relationships like yours work. But it is indeed a risk for a man to take such a young girl as his partner. The love that you have for him may grow strong, but on the other hand, you may come to the place where you feel that you do not want him any more and that you have got out of him what you wanted; it would be up to you.

Having said the above, I want to wish both of you all the best for the future. Let me hear from you again.

Pastor