American trying to make me cheat on my boyfriend

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 years old and I am living in America. I am going to university here, but I am sharing a house with a couple.

This couple has a relative who spends weekends with them. He is 23. He is an organist at the church we all attend. I am falling in love with this man but I do have a boyfriend in Jamaica and I love him, and I promised that I would be true to him. We plan to get married in two years.

This guy has invited me out and we have kissed, but we have not gone all the way. I really like him. He has also helped me to do some of my assignments because he is very bright. He told me that he does not have a girlfriend at present because he and his girlfriend broke up. She always wanted money and he was not making enough to give her. The people who are sharing house with me are telling me that he is speaking the truth. I am wondering how long this guy is going to put up with me, because I keep telling him no.

My boyfriend in Jamaica took my virginity when I was 17 years old and the last time we had sex was last December. I was in Jamaica for a very short period. I will never forget that encounter, because the sex was painful and my boyfriend did it very hard with me.

I don't know what to do about this guy who is related to this couple. I like him, but I like my boyfriend in Jamaica more. He is American and I don't have any experience with American men. I prefer my Jamaican man. I don't ask this man for any money, but he voluntarily assists me when I have projects to do. One day, he asked me if I knew what my boyfriend in Jamaica is doing and I told him no. He said I am saving myself for someone who might have another girl. I was very upset hearing him say that, because I knew he was saying that to break down my resistance.

Do you think I should tell him that I do not want him to consider me as his friend unless he would respect me and not want to have sex with me? I appreciate his friendship, but he is pushing this sex thing on me and I don't want to deal with that. I am planning to be in Jamaica for Christmas and I am looking forward to spending time with my lover. How do you think I should handle this situation I have found myself in?

C.L.

Dear C.L.

This young man has to learn to accept no as your answer and not try to persuade you to become intimate with him. You have told him that you have a boyfriend in Jamaica and that you want to be loyal to him. He ought not to be encouraging you to cheat on your boyfriend. It is better for you to do all your assignments on your own and keep your integrity. He wants sex for his payment for assisting you. The folks at your house say that he is a good guy, but I am sure they will be displeased if you were to tell them that he is trying to persuade you to go to bed with him.

Try your very best to protect yourself. Remember you love your Jamaican man. Take good care of yourself and study hard.

Pastor