Wife says that I cannot satisfy her

Dear Pastor,

I am a 38-year-old man and my wife is 40. I have children, but not with her. This woman only thinks about money. We do not have to pay rent because we are living in my uncle's home. It has five bedrooms and three bathrooms. We have tenants living here, but they live on the small side and they have their own bathroom and kitchen. I am responsible for collecting the rent and to deposit it in my uncle's account.

My uncle is in his late 70s and his wife, who is an American, is not planning to live in Jamaica. My uncle would like to come back home, but because of his wife and children, he said he may never retire in Jamaica. He is asking me to get the house appraised and to tell him whether I am interested in buying it. His wife does not have any money in this house. But, Pastor, if I am to buy this house, I wouldn't want my wife to continue to live here.

I have tried my best to be a good man, but I have failed a few times. I have cheated on my wife. But every time I want to have sex, my wife pushes me away. She said I cannot satisfy her. But I went with other women and they don't have that complaint. So I know that my wife is lying to me.

When I first cheated on her, I felt guilty, but it has happened a number of other times. My main outside girlfriend is always encouraging me to come back to her because she does not have a man and I fully satisfy her. I asked my wife if there is another man in her life and she said she is looking around for one. I asked her why and she said I am too old for her, but she is older than me. I cannot tell when I have seen this woman naked. I know when a woman wants a man. Tell me, Pastor, what is happening? Why is this woman avoiding me? Sometimes for a whole month we don't touch each other. I have to go to my girlfriend, but it is costing me a lot of money because I am now my girlfriend's main man and that is not how it should be.

When we started out, I was stealing love on the side; now I can go to my girlfriend's house any time and she is ready for me. She has one child, but the child does not live with her. I am now paying most of her rent, but I told her that I am having problems with my wife. She said that any time I am ready, she will come to live with me. I know that my wife will be glad to see me go, but this is my uncle's place so I will not leave here. Do you think I have enough grounds to divorce her?

My eldest sister asked my wife why she is not treating me well and she told my sister that I am a boy and she should not have married a boy. I am asking you for your kind advice. I am spending too much money in this house and I am not getting satisfaction from this woman I call my wife.

J.F.

Dear J.F.,

You call the woman with whom you are living your wife, but she is not behaving like it.

You did not say whether she cooks for you; I believe that she does. But there is no sexual satisfaction with this woman. Perhaps one day when you get home from work, she will be gone. You need to expect anything from her. You have not said that you do not love this woman any more. Her attitude shows that she does not love you and she wants to get you out of her life. She has called you a boy.

Although you do not see any future with her, if you would still like to try to keep this relationship going, you should ask her whether she is willing to go to counselling. I would be surprised if she agrees. But at least you could try. If she says that she is not interested, you should prepare yourself for her departure. But I am not prepared to tell you to ask her to leave.

You have got involved with other women and now you have a main side chick. You say that this woman is costing you a lot of money. Side chicks are very expensive. I hope that your wife would agree to go for counselling so you may learn why she does not love you any more. It would be a good thing if you could purchase the house in which you are living. Discuss this matter with a lawyer who handles real estate matters. Please, write me again and tell me if your wife agrees to go and see a counsellor.

Pastor