Not sure if I should get married in my 60s

Dear Pastor,

I enjoy reading your column every day. I also listen to you at nights. You have faithful followers. Everywhere I go, people talk about your column and your show.

I am having a problem. It is something that I never thought I would be having at my age. I am in my 60s. I was never married, but I was living with a woman for 10 years. Before we lived together, I played around quite a bit. I never trusted women because my own mother cheated on my father, and my father never forgave her. My mother did not have to cheat. She is still alive, but not in good health.

I have seven children. I have tried to support them. Three of them are very close to me. I am closer to my daughters. My sons call me and visit me sometimes, but I love them all. My daughters come and cook for me or bring me dinner, especially during the holidays.

There is this Indian girl who I will never forget; even at my age, I think of her. She was my first girlfriend, but we did not have any children together. I wonder what is happening to me, because sometimes this girl still calls me and tells me that she is checking up on me. She lives in America. I find myself fantasising over this girl even though our relationship came to an end many years ago. One day I told her what is happening to me, and she laughed and said I can never forget what she did to me; it seems to be true. She was the first girl to give me oral sex.

I told one of my daughters that I would like to get married and she said I should not bother about doing that at my age. She told one of my sons what I said. He said she should leave me alone because I know what I am feeling. Sometimes I feel like loneliness is going to kill me. I watch the news and I wait for your show to come on, and after that, I feel lonely. I still don't trust women.

I asked my friend who lives in Canada whether she would marry me. Both of us are about the same age. She got married, but is now divorced. She said her children will not agree for her to get married again. I am not asking you to find me a girlfriend, I am only asking whether you think I should get married at my age,

My children have helped me to pay off my mortgage and my house is in good shape. I am very comfortable and my health is keeping up well. Give me your advice, please.

M.

Dear M.,

I am glad to know that you are in good health. I am also glad to know that you are a regular reader of my column and that you listen to the 'Dear Pastor Show' every night.

It is unfortunate that because of what your mother did, you decided that you will never trust women. Your letter reminds me of what a young lady told me years ago. She said her mother cheated on her father and she has never forgiven her mother for doing so. She said her cheating mother destroyed their family life.

I hope that you will come to the place where you will forgive your mother. Perhaps you should ask her what really caused her to cheat on your father. Perhaps that is something she has never discussed with you. But knowing how she felt then might help you. You have very good daughters. They love you, and they try their best to show you that they appreciate you. In fact, all your children appreciate you and express it in different ways.

You say that you are in good health and that you feel lonely at times. Consider joining a senior citizens' association. I am sure that you know friends you can join in with and play dominoes, and other things. Invite friends to your house if your children would agree; and I say if your children would agree because one has to be careful about who is invited to your house. Your children say that you don't have to marry at your age, but reason with them. Always remember that that decision can only be made by you. But don't ignore what they say.

Pastor