I wish I could tie this man

Dear Pastor,

This is the first time that I am writing to you, but I have been following you for a long time. I read your writings in THE STAR and I listen to your radio show every night.

I am 30 years old and I have been living with my boyfriend for seven years. We get along well most times. He loves to run around with other women. He admits that he loves girls, but said none of them can take my place.

He has two children. I was pregnant when we became friends, but I did not know at the time. He accepted me with the pregnancy, and he told me not to tell anybody that he is not the father of the child. I asked him if I could tell my mother and he said no, but I kept telling him that at least my mother should know the truth. He said if I was sure my mother would not tell the others in my family I should go ahead. I told my mother and I am sure that to this day, she has never said anything to anyone.

This man went to every doctor's appointment with me. I was not working so I did not have any money, and he paid for everything. He bought baby clothes and a crib and he treated me well. When I asked why he was treating me so well and he did not know anything about me, he said that from the time he saw me, his spirit took me.

It is very strange, Pastor, because this man and I have been living together. We do not use protection whenever we are having sex, but he has never been able to get me pregnant. He has two daughters and my child is a boy. He has been sending him to prep school and he is involved in sport. I have found condoms in his pocket and spoke to him about it. He apologised for disrespecting me. He also said that I don't need to worry, because none of the girls he is cheating with can step in my shoes.

I know when he is tired and when he is fooling around with other women. When he is fooling around he doesn't harass me for sex at all; I have to remind him that I am in the house. He is a good cook. I don't have to worry about cooking on Sundays, he does the cooking. He goes to the supermarket with me every Friday evening. I don't want to lose this man. He tells me not to question him a lot because I already know that he has girlfriends, but he would not pass on anything to me. He said that because when I found the condoms in his pockets, I threatened to throw them away. He warned me to leave his condoms alone because if I throw them away, I may regret doing so.

This man has a good job. I am in my final year in college. My boyfriend is the one who pays for me to attend. I would like him to stop seeing other women. People say a woman can tie a man; I wish I could tie this man so that he would not go out and let other girls have what I should have.

O.

Dear O.,

You seem to have a very good relationship, although some people may ask why does your man have women if the relationship is so good. I am not sure what the answer is to that question, except to say that some men insist that one woman is not enough for them.

Men who have lots of women admit that it can be very costly, because some side chicks,are very demanding. These side chicks demand more than the wives. Some don't care whether the men have children, and are adamant that they must get what they ask for. There are some men who even deny their wives money in order to satisfy the request or demands of their side chicks.

You were very fortunate to meet this man when you were in the early stage of pregnancy. You have not said anything about the man who impregnated you. But this man with whom you live fell in love with you and took charge of you, so to speak. He met every need and he adopted your son. Your son now knows no other father but him.

Your letter reminds me of two friends that I have in Tennessee, USA. They have one child. They told me they have never used protection, and yet the mother of their son has never got pregnant again.

I hope your man would learn to control himself and settle down. And I hope that both of you would get married. I wish both of you well.

Pastor