Torn between two guys

Dear Pastor,

I am 18 years old and I have two boyfriends. One is 22 and the other is 25. The elder one lives in the United States of America (USA). He calls me every day and always warns me not to get involved with any man in Jamaica. He has promised to marry me. My mother told me that getting married to him would be good, but I shouldn't put that on my head because I am still young. My father doesn't even want to hear that I may go to live in the USA.

This man sends me money every month and I give part of it to my mother and my elder sister, who is 20. He thinks that I am a virgin, but I am not. I lost my virginity when I was 16 year old to my other boyfriend, who lives in Jamaica. It happened one night when we were at a party. We went into the car he drove to the party and we were making out and both of us lost control. I was anxious all month because we did not use protection, and I knew that I could have got pregnant. This guy didn't have any money to give to me to buy the morning-after Pill.

Sometimes when my boyfriend in the USA sends me money, I give a little to my boyfriend here in Jamaica because he does not have much. I really love my Jamaican boyfriend.

My boyfriend in the USA lectures to me. I speak to his mother often. She is a lovely woman and is always trying to give me guidance. She said there is a room at her house for me and her son, and she is eager to see him married. However, she does not want him to marry any girl from the USA. She wants him to marry a woman from his home country, which is Jamaica.

Sometimes I feel that I am bad, because I should not have two men in my life. I like having sex. If my boyfriend was not living in the USA, I would not be having sex with the one who is here, but I can't do better, so please don't condemn me.

My mother knows what I am doing. I used to tell my older sister my business, but I have stopped because she has discussed my private business with my mother.

My Jamaican boyfriend and I do not have unprotected sex any more. He told me that I am his only girlfriend, and I don't have any reason to doubt him. I have been encouraging him to get a better job. It is hard for him because he has limited education. He is caring and very loving. I don't want my boyfriend in the USA to feel that I am a cheater, but that is what my older sister calls me. I don't feel that I am a cheater, because the man who would marry me is not engaged to me as yet, and he is living far away.

What do you think?

Y.

Dear Y.,

I will tell you what I think and you may become upset, but I will tell you nevertheless. You should not consider yourself a good girl. You should only have one man in your life, but instead you have two. You are having sex regularly with one, while giving the other man the impression that you are saving yourself for him.

A man in the USA is sending money for you every month and you are giving some of it to the other guy here in Jamaica. How can you, therefore, consider yourself to be a good girl? Is that the way good girls behave? I don't think so.

I may consider what happened to you on the night you went out with this guy and both of you had sex as a mistake. But, you continue to have sex with him; and you have the foolish idea that nothing is wrong with that because your main man is not on the island. You have hit your head somewhere. Rural people may say you are 'not righted'.

Bring an end to the relationship you are having with the Jamaican guy if you believe that there is a future with this man who is in the USA.

Pastor