Cheating babyfather gave me STIs while I was pregnant

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 and I have a babyfather who is 24. We recently had a child together.

I love this man more than I would like to admit. I'm writing to you because I need advice. When I was pregnant, my babyfather cheated on me a lot. He was never at home. Only my mother took care of me. I won't lie, he gave me money for appointments and so on, but to be there physically for me, he never was. That is what I needed and wanted the most from him. But he was too busy cheating on me over the entirety of my pregnancy. He even gave me a number of sexually transmitted infections (STI) while I was carrying our child.

This man disrespected me countless times while I was pregnant, and abandoned me and cursed me. He said he did it because I behaved immaturely and he couldn't be bothered with my childish mentality. All I did was beg him to stop cheating on me and hurting me.

Since the baby's birth, he said he has stopped cheating and wants to build a family with me, and that he is sorry he did what he did. He said that even while he was cheating, he still loved me and still does, and he may even love me more now. But I can't seem to forgive him for all the tears and suffering he put me through. I want to be with him, but I just can't trust him; and it is taking time to erase the hurt that I suffered.

Recently, he keeps saying that I am his wife, although we are not engaged. It feels good, and in all honesty, I see where he is trying to change, but I feel that if I open up to him again, he may hurt me. I don't know how to trust this man, because he has never told the truth. Now he says he is speaking the truth, and I don't know if he is making excuses and lying. I want to believe him and he has asked me countless times what he can do to help me to forgive him, but I don't know what to say. I want to trust him, but it is very hard for me because in the past when I believed him, it always turned out that he was lying. So now it is embedded in my mind that everything he says is a lie.

I need some help and advice from you, Pastor, because I love this man and I want to be with him, but at times I think it's a bad idea.

T.W.

Dear T.W.,

I want to give you a very simple suggestion. You are 19. You made a mistake by trusting this man.

You should not continue to trust him, because he is a liar. Liars should never be trusted, especially in a relationship. This man wants to get you to the place to forget everything that he has done you and be cosy with him again. But how can you forget that even during your pregnancy he was out with other women, and he picked up STIs and passed them on to you? These diseases could have affected the baby. How can he expect you to sweep these things under the carpet? How can you forgive him, when you needed him during your pregnancy? He is likely to continue his wayward ways.

In this relationship, you cannot just follow your heart; you have to use your head. I know that some people would say that you love this man, so you should give him a chance. But he does not deserve a chance. He should be kicked to the kerb. Some men always like to tell women that they will marry them, but a wise woman is not just looking for a ring, she wants a man she can trust. She wants loyalty and respect. This man does not respect you. He wants to be in a position where he can constantly get between your legs, so don't allow him to fool you.

Go back to school and learn a skill. Don't allow any man to get you pregnant again. Put your future before you. You have a good mother who has helped you in the past; she may do so again. You might not expect me to be so frank with you, but I have to tell you the truth. I cannot suggest that you trust this man any more.

Pastor