Girlfriend doesn’t know how to love

Dear Pastor,

I am 25 years old and I am living with a woman. She is always saying that I do not appreciate her.

I told her that I do appreciate her. I send her flowers. I call her two or three times per day. I come home early from work sometimes, and I help her to cook; yet she says I do not show her appreciation. If I send her flowers, she says that I am doing something wrong and trying to sweeten her up by the time I get home.

We have been together for a year and I bought her an engagement ring that cost $20,000. She made a big fuss over it and told me that I was wasting my money by spending so much on an engagement ring. I took her to one of the building societies and we opened an account. Every time I get my money from work, I give her some to put into the account. Sometimes she does, sometimes she doesn't. When I asked her what she did with the money, she said she borrowed it to do her hair.

She is self-employed and I told her that she should make payments to the National Insurance Scheme and National Housing Trust, but she is not listening. Despite that, I love her so much. I don't know what to do. She likes to dress up, and I like to see her looking lovely. But I told her that it is important to have something in her head, and not just to wear nice clothes on the road. Her family and I get along very well.

I am trying to save so that we can purchase a home together, but she is taking everything too easy, and that is what is bothering me. She has never given me anything for my birthday, but I have given her birthday gifts. I have even sent a basket of goodies for her mother on Mother's Day, and I sent a card on Father's Day for her father from both of us. She took the credit for it, but so it is.

Pastor, what do you do with a woman who does not show any appreciation at all?

A.,

Dear A.,

It might take you a long time to teach this woman to appreciate you, but don't give up on her.

Perhaps while growing up she did not experience much love from her parents, and she did not see the display of love between them for each other. You have been trying to express love to her, but it's taking a long while to reciprocate. I repeat, don't give up. Continue to praise her, continue to send her flowers. Tell her how much you love her. It is unfortunate that she is not depositing the money in the account that you opened for the both of you at the building society. You probably should direct the company where you work to send that money directly to the society every week or every month.

You say that you like to see her looking lovely, but this woman has to learn how to spend money, and how to do so wisely.

I wish you well. Again, don't rough up this woman, she will learn.

Pastor