Boyfriend thinks I aborted his baby

Dear Pastor,

I am 23 years old and I have a boyfriend. We have been going together from I was 20. He is 24. He got me pregnant and I lost the baby.

People told him that they believe that I got rid of the pregnancy. He told me that his mother believed it too, and whatever his mother tells him, he believes because he always trusts her.

We are living together and he is helping me to go back to school. I wasn't sorry when I lost the baby, but I didn't do anything to throw away the pregnancy. I thought his mother liked me, but it doesn't seem as if she loves me at all. She was only pretending.

I have to return to school in September, but my boyfriend is saying that I will have to get a job to help myself because he does not love me the way he used to. I asked him if that is because he has found another girlfriend and he said I could call it that. I haven't done anything for this man to turn his mind against me. I still love him, and I can't pretend that I don't. I still do everything for him.

Recently, I asked him what I have done. I was crying and he asked me why. I still wake and prepare his breakfast and I make sure that the house is clean, and that I keep myself clean and fresh. I asked his mother why she believes that I threw my stomach away and she said that she saw it in her dream, but she would ask her son to give me another chance. This woman is a troublemaker. I am going to try and get out of this relationship because if her son doesn't love me any more, it wouldn't make sense for me to try to fight to stay with him.

I come from a poor family. My parents live in a depressed area, but I grew up as a decent girl. My boyfriend was my first man and I thought that we would get married soon, but I was so wrong. What is your suggestion?

N.T.

Dear N.T.,

It is unfortunate that your boyfriend has told you that he does not love you any more, and his mind has changed from you because his mother told him that she believed that you aborted your pregnancy.

She can't prove that you did so. She is indeed a troublemaker. She said she was informed that you did so in a dream. What she has told her son has affected him and he told you that whatever his mother says, he believes.

I don't think you should try to fight to remain with this man because if he is not in love with you any more, it means that he is unhappy with you. He will also make you feel unhappy and he will resent you. You might try your best to go the extra mile, so to speak, to please him, but there is nothing you can to do please a spouse if he does not love you. There is nothing that you can give him to cause him to adjust or change his mind about you. You can try to have the best sex with him in all different positions; he may respond to the sex, but it would only mean that after the few moments of enjoyment, he will turn his back on you in the bed. His mother is a wicked woman. She does not love you, nor her son.

So, as I respond to your letter, I am telling you the absolute truth. Take the advice from your boyfriend; try and get yourself a job and pay your school fees. Perhaps you can try the Students' Loan Bureau. You might even have to get someone in your family with whom you can share a house, but move on. I give you a solemn warning; don't throw yourself on this man by having sex with him as often as he may wish to oblige you. It will not mean anything to him and he may get you pregnant again. If he does, he will say he did not want that to happen, but you forced yourself on him. I wish you well.

Pastor