Juggling two men at once

Dear Pastor,

This is the first time I am writing to you, but I am always reading your messages to young and old people which have motivated me to work hard.

The reason I am writing to you is because I need your advice. I got pregnant when I was 19 and I gave birth to a daughter. I did not plan to get pregnant. I had the baby in 2019 and during my pregnancy, the father of the child supported me. But two weeks after I gave birth, I realised that he changed.

One day I went on Facebook and saw a young lady post my child's father and said "Mr & Mrs". My child's father has caused the young lady to corrupt his mind. When our child was three months old, he stopped calling me. I started to seek a job because the father stopped giving me money to support the child. I got a job at a call centre. I had life very difficult. My aunt who used to keep the baby couldn't keep up any more. I called the baby's father and asked him to keep the baby and he said it was my child so I should find a way to keep her. I was so stressed out. He did not even given me any money for my daughter's first birthday.

who could i turn to

Things were hard with me and I did not know who to turn to. At one time I found myself having two men, one in Jamaica and one abroad, just because I wanted money to take care of my child and myself. When I call my child's father and ask him for money for the baby, he uses expletives. I am planning to build my house with the help of a boyfriend who is living in Jamaica and the other man who lives abroad. I am a hard-working woman.

I am now living with the man who is here in Jamaica. He helps to take care of my daughter. I also get help from the man overseas. My message to all young girls, no matter what obstacles you are facing in life, don't give up, because there is another way once you believe in the man above. He will carry you through.

J.J.

Dear J.J.,

Your letter was very long, so I had to delete more than half of it. You met a very uncaring man. He got you pregnant and walked away.

You begged him for help, but he refused. You found yourself having a relationship with another man. Your child's father abused you constantly, and all the responsibility for this child rested on you. Why did this man, who was the biological father of the child, curse you so much and treat you as if you were a floor mat? You could not have got pregnant by yourself, and children need love and care.

Some people may say that you are no good; you shouldn't have two men in your life simultaneously. However, you know what you were feeling, and your aunt couldn't help you much more. I don't want you to believe that I am condoning what you are doing. You should not have two men in your life. Perhaps you are taking the risk because you need the money and one is living overseas. But tell me what will happen when that man comes to Jamaica and wants to be with you? If you refuse to see him then, what will be your excuse? It is likely that he is going to break up with you immediately. I would also like to ask you, have you told the man who is living here in Jamaica about the man who is living abroad?

Although there are exceptions to the rule, please be aware that men who are serious about women don't like them to have other relationships, unless the men can live off the other men who live abroad. What I am trying to say is that you are playing a risky game. Two men should not be helping you to build a house. One may kill the other, or one of the men may kill you. So go to the National Housing Trust and seek assistance.

Perhaps you need to tell this man who is living abroad that you have a man here in Jamaica. Feel out the situation, so to speak. See how he reacts. I wish you well.

Pastor