I refuse to make love to my girlfriend

Dear Pastor,

I appreciate your column. I am 50 years old and I have fathered seven children with three different women. I have never been married, but I am in love with a woman who is 40 years old. From what I can see, this relationship is working. All my children have spoken to her. She does not have children but the doctor says that nothing is wrong with her. She is anxious for me to get her pregnant, but I do not want to have any more children.

I have been living with her for two years and for the two years we are together, I have tried to practise abstinence. Even when my fiancee begs me to make love to her, I say no. I help myself by masturbating while she is sleeping. I know it is wrong for me to punish this woman, but recently I told her that I would rather if she leaves and finds a man who would impregnate her. Although I said it to her, I don't mean it because I do not want to lose her. I have seen this woman cry, but I have had enough children.

Right now it is hard on me because three of my children are in college and I have to be assisting them. If I had all these children with one woman, life would be so much easier on me.

One thing I know for sure is that I do not want any more children, and at the same time, I don't want to lose this woman. I have my own house and she takes good care of me.

Please let me hear from you. Perhaps after you have given me your advice, I may see things differently.

G.M

Dear G.M.,

Evidently, you were not thinking right when you were a young man. You were sowing your seeds widely and in the wrong way. Now you are trying to change and I do not believe that you are going about it in the right way. Abstinence is not a good method of birth control. In fact, you are not even true to yourself because while you are not making love to your present woman, you masturbate while she is sleeping. That is the way you get your release and pleasure yourself.

The Bible does not even support abstinence. In fact, the Bible says married couples should take care of each other's needs. I know that this woman and you are not married, so this may not refer to you, but I mention the passage because this woman and you are hoping to get married. Perhaps it would be good if this woman would agree to accept a couple of your children to live with her as her own. She may then become satisfied that she does not need to have children to be a mother. But, as it stands right now, she believes that her life is not fulfilled, and that she is missing something in life.

I know you might not like what I am about to say, but I will say it anyhow. I think you are a very selfish man. You have your children and you are proud of them. However, this woman does not have any of her own. Why don't you get married to her and get her pregnant? Having another child will not hurt you, and this woman would praise you and give you everything that is extra. Well, I better don't go there.

Consider what I have said.

Pastor