Husband turned off by baby fat

Dear Pastor,

This is the first time I am writing to you and I need your help. I am 24 years old and I had my first child a year ago. However, I still have a very large tummy although I exercise a lot.

I have returned to work and the girls tease me by asking me if I am pregnant again. I think that my husband has been ignoring me, although he denies it. However, I believe it is because I don't look attractive any more.

My husband and I used to make love all the time, even when I was in an advanced stage of pregnancy. Since having the baby our sex life has changed. Sometimes I have to go on my husband when he is sleeping. One morning he said to me, "You think I didn't know what you were doing?" I laughed it off, but it hurt me.

My husband has been using the excuse of not wanting to get me pregnant again so soon, as his reason for not having sex with me. I had heard that if I breastfeed my baby I will not get pregnant, but my doctor told me that I can get pregnant even if I am breastfeeding, so I should use protection.

I asked my husband if he is seeing someone and he was very upset. I just wanted to get the assurance that no other woman has come between us.

I have a confession to make. Whenever I try to arouse my husband, he seems to like it, but whenever he tries to insert, I am very dry. Is that natural?

Initial Withheld

Dear Writer,

Some young women put on a lot of weight during pregnancy. Some people call it baby fat. Some women can take off that weight soon after giving birth; others seem to struggle a lot. You recognised that your husband is not very happy with your physique and is not eager to make love with you. You have been trying your best to get him interested. You are even trying to steal sex from him. Some men call that 'stealing a piece'.

It is not true that a woman cannot become pregnant while she is breastfeeding. Your doctor can advise you about birth control methods.

You say that you feel dry when you try to have sex. Your doctor would advice you, I am sure, that you should use a lubricant. and a very popular one to use is K-Y Jelly. Discuss that with your gynaecologist or your family doctor. You need also to discuss with your doctor the type of exercises you should do to reduce the size of your tummy.

Take time with your husband. When he sees that you are making a good effort to take off weight, his attitude towards you would change. Please don't listen to what other women would tell you. Follow the advice of your physician.

Pastor