Pastor doesn’t want the young people to date

Dear Pastor,

I hope this letter finds you in good health. I am doing fairly well. I have a question. Is it wrong for two people in the same church to date without asking the pastor?

I have a son and he is in love with one of the girls in the church, but the pastor said that they cannot go on dates without the knowledge of the church. He also said the senior women of the church should know where they are going. My son told the pastor that it is not his business where he wants to take his girlfriend on a date, and he will not ask him for permission to take her out.

The young woman is very concerned because she loves my son, and they told me that they have been in love for a long time; they just didn't say anything to anyone in the church. These young people are not children. My son is now at university, and the young lady has just finished sixth form. She is very talented. She sings very well. Now the pastor is saying if they are in church and they do not want to be under control, he is not going to allow her to sing and be a part of the praise and worship group.

My son is making some remarks that he shouldn't. Do you think the pastor has a right to tell young people who they should love and date? He does not believe in dating. He says that dating is an excuse to go out and have sex. This man wants to control all the young people, and some of them are rebelling.

Is it wrong for young people to date each other, and should they advise the pastor where they are going? What is the right age for young people to go on dates? The pastor is saying that the girl is too young to have a boyfriend and to date him. This girl can't be too young, and my son is not a bad boy; he tells me everything. Sometimes when the young lady comes to our house, they play their games and watch television. I don't let them feel that we are watching them, because I know you can't watch young people. My son knows what he should do and what he should not do. So Pastor, I am looking forward to your comments.

A.L.

Dear A.L.,

Perhaps your pastor should have a family life seminar in his church. From what you have said, your pastor needs to be enlightened.

From where did he get the idea that he has made into a rule, that young people in a congregation should get his permission before they date each other? That is crazy, very crazy. Sometimes it bothers me when I hear about churches who have made these rules that are not biblical. He needs to understand that dating can be very healthy. It is a time for young couples to get to know each other. Dating does not mean that you should get married to the person. In fact, I have encouraged young people to date a number of persons before they decide with whom they would like to become steady. When young people date, they learn the background of each other, and it gives them time to get to know each other fairly well. So it is not a time to go out and have sex, as some foolish people believe.

I am not going to tell you or your son or this young lady to stop going to the church, but I am going to say that there is no scriptural foundation to tell him that they are dating and where they are going on dates.

Pastor