Boyfriend told me lack of sex would drive me crazy

Dear Pastor,

I am just 16 and I have been reading your column every day, and I can say that what I have learnt from your column has helped me. Boys can't fool me easily.

I had a boyfriend and every day, he told me I was going to get mad because I wasn't having sex with him. I told him that from what you said in your column, that is a trick guys use on girls to get them to have sex with them. I am in good health, so I can't become ill for not having sex with him. Well, he broke up with me and went with another girl who was just one year older than me. He got her pregnant. I felt very sorry for her. I told her what he told me and she said it was the same thing he told her, and now she was in trouble.

I have never had sex. But the first thing a guy wants from a girl is sex. This man saw me and another girl walking and he called us and we ignored him, and he started to curse us and call us lesbians. I don't know what has happened to these guys, they don't have any respect for young girls, and they just want to use them. I am planning to be a nurse, so I can't afford to let these guys spoil me. My parents are poor, but they are going to make the sacrifice to send me to nursing school. I have two older sisters. One of them has a boyfriend. She is a Christian, and her boyfriend is studying to be a pastor.

Pastor, you should talk more about the relationships that men want to have with young girls, especially the older men and the young girls. The young girls don't care because they get money from these men, but these older men don't respect the girls.

This guy who tried to get me to have sex with him is in his 40s and he has found another girl. I see them all the time. When he sees me he behaves as if he does not know me. I don't care, because I don't want him. I hope to get into nursing school two years from now.

My sister told me that she and her boyfriend have never had sex, and she is trying her best for that not to happen until they are married. My other sister said she and her boyfriend did 'dry sex', but they were tempted to do the real thing. She told me not to tell my oldest sister. I do not plan to have a serious boyfriend until I am in nursing school.

M.L.

Dear M.L.,

Focus on your schoolwork. Keep your goal before you. Constantly remind yourself that men will always be around. I have constantly tried to remind women that they can lose on men, but they cannot lose on education.

Men continue to lie to women. Your former boyfriend told you that if you didn't have sex with him, you would go crazy. That is a big lie. Nobody has gone crazy by not having sex.

You will have lots of time to hug and touch the man you have chosen to be your partner, but not now. This man found another woman and he did not protect her; he impregnated her. It is unlikely that she was ready for a child. You should try your very best not to allow men to toy with your body, because some men know exactly where to touch to turn you on, so to speak. So be careful.

You said one of your sisters and her boyfriend engaged in dry sex. If she continues to do so, it is likely that she will move on to engage in sexual intercourse. You should warn her, because women have actually become pregnant by engaging in dry sex. I remember counselling a couple, and the young woman became pregnant and she told me that the young man did not insert his penis in her vaginal. But they were fooling around 'down there', and it happened.

The people in her church condemned her, and called her a liar when she tried to explain that they did not actually have sexual intercourse. I can deal with that matter at another time. Go to school, study hard, do your nursing courses, and make your parents proud.

Pastor