I want this gambler out of my life

Dear Pastor,

I am 65 years old and I am writing to you because I am faced with a problem. I am living with a woman who is in her late 50s. I met this woman soon after her husband died.

I started to visit her and I became fond of her. She told me that her husband died leaving her penniless. I became very concerned. Her husband had two children -- a boy and a girl -- but they did not have any children together.

His children, she said, do not like her. To make matters worse, he left the house solely for her. The children blame her for the death of their father. They believe in obeah.

I took this woman under my arms, so to speak. I advised her to rent the house and to live with me. I did not know that I was setting up myself by having her come and live with me. Soon after we started living together, I discovered that she was a big gambler. I used to give her money every week, not only for groceries, but also for herself. However, she is always broke. So I started to question her about the money I gave to her. She offered numerous excuses for her being broke all the time.

LOTTERY TICKETS

One day I opened her Bible and found lottery tickets. I asked her why she was gambling so heavily and putting the tickets in her Bible. She said she was trying her best to see if the blessing will follow her. It was the most foolish answer I could have expected from an intelligent woman.

I am a hard worker. I am not yet retired. For the two years we have been living together, this woman has not won any money. I don't want to tell her to go, but I do not believe that I should have this woman in my house. I am not against anybody gambling, but what I am against is, she takes my money to gamble. She can gamble with her own money, but not with mine. Twice she said she dreamt the correct numbers, but she did not play that week, so she did not earn anything.

I was too quick in inviting this woman to live with me. I don't want to shame her by putting her out. So Pastor, give me your advice.

F.A

Dear F.A.,

I believe that you fell in love with this woman. Perhaps she is very beautiful and charming. You are a man of experience and you found in her what you were looking for in a woman. It is unfortunate that some people say that she killed her husband. I know you did not believe that.

What you saw in her was a woman who can make you very happy.

How is it that you did not discover that this woman gambles? I am not here to condemn anyone who gambles. However, I do support you in saying that this woman should not be using your money to gamble; she should use her own money. If she is not working and you are giving her money every week, perhaps what you give her could be considered your money. I don't know for sure if you should look at it that way.

There is a gentleman who calls the Dear Pastor Show regularly. He says he is a gambler and he believes that his deceased mother gives him the correct numbers to play the lottery.

This woman with whom you have a relationship is an adult. Instead of considering whether you should put her out, you should reason with her and tell her that if the both of you are to make a life together, she will have to cease her gambling habits.

I repeat, you seem to love this woman. She has good qualities, but you should help her with her habit of gambling. Give her a little while, don't ask her to leave.

I am not a gambler, but here I find myself begging for her. If she does not change, you may have to go with her for counselling.

Pastor