Girlfriend cheated after I accepted the ‘jacket’

Dear Pastor,

I am 43 and I have been reading your column for a long time. When I was 22, I fell in love with a young lady. Both of us were attending the same institution.

After I was with her for about a month, she told me she had missed her period, but I shouldn't worry because if she was pregnant, I was not the father. I told her I would stand by her.

She spoke to the guy who got her pregnant and he said he had two babymothers, and if she was pregnant, it would be a big mistake. The doctor confirmed the pregnancy. I felt sorry for her and I was in love with her. I got a job in a supermarket and when her stomach started to show, she had to stop going to school.

I was living with my mother and grandmother, and I lied and told them that I got this young lady pregnant and she didn't have anywhere to live. They told me to bring her and I coached her about what to say. My grandmother asked her if she was sure that the baby was mine, and she said she was 100 per cent sure. She started to live with us, but six months after the child was born, my grandmother told me that the child had nothing for me, so it must be a 'jacket'. She said a boy would have something for his father.

My mother agreed, but I continued to live with the girl and took care of the child. But I found out that this girl was secretly seeing the child's father and getting money from him while she was living with me. I noticed that when we were together and her phone rang, she used to whisper to answer the phone. One day when she was in the bathroom, I went into her phone; the same number came up seven times in one day. Then I found some sexy messages, and the person was asking her when they could meet again. It was the same guy. She told him the time and place where she would meet him.

I went to the location and I saw when my girlfriend arrived in a taxi and this guy met her and they hugged and kissed. That was my girlfriend who I had sex with the night before. They drove away and I was left alone. They did not know that I saw them. I went home and I did not say a word to my mother or my grandmother. The girl brought home chicken. I asked her where she was and she said she went to see a cousin who was in the hospital. That night I slept on the chair. I could not believe that this girl was such a deceiver. This child has grown up in my hand. He has my name. I couldn't deal with the matter so I broke the news to my grandmother. She had a private conversation with this girl when I wasn't around and she broke down and told her the truth, and begged her not to put her out.

My problem is that I have got to love the little boy. He is not to be blamed for anything, but I cannot stand to see the mother. We don't have sex any more. She is always begging me to forgive her. According to her, she has only had sexual intercourse with her son's father a couple of times when she needed financial help, and I was not in a position to give her, but she still loves me.

Now, Pastor, please tell me what to do. It is hard on me. I did not know that love could turn into hate, but I hate this girl. I am willing to give her up, but I am not willing to give up her son. So, please for your suggestion.

G.T.

Dear G.T.,

You have been supporting this child and perhaps you have bonded with him. But his mother is not a good woman. If you are going to let her go, you should also give up the child.

Be concerned about whether his father will support him. Perhaps his mother would be willing to leave him with your parents and you, because she knows that you will continue to support him well. I doubt very much that she would want to cut all ties with her son. On the other hand, she wouldn't have to, because I am sure you would give her access to her son at any time.

Give up this woman, sir. She is not a good woman. She will cause you more heartache if you keep her as your woman.

Pastor