I am 17 and have never met my father

Dear Pastor,

I am 17 and I am living with my mother and grandmother. I do not know my father. My mother has tried to contact him from I was a little girl, but we have not been able to find him.

My mother introduced me to an aunt and she has been very good to me. But she claims that she does not know where he is. My grandmother said that even if she knew, she would not tell us. At my age, I do not need anything from him, but I would like to know him.

I used to blame my mother for going with a man she did not know, and she said she knew him by a certain name. A man who claimed that he knew my father very well told me that my father was a 'girls' man', but he hasn't heard or seen him for many years.

I am planning to go abroad to study and I want to know whether I have siblings in Jamaica or overseas. When I was a child and my mother was upset with me, she used to tell me that she could have killed me when I was in her womb. One time my mother broke down and cried and said I was alive just because my father gave her $1000 that she needed at the time. I understood that to mean that my father had sex with my mother and he paid her $1000. This is the first time I am saying that to anybody. I know that I worth more than $1000 because I have six passes in CXC and men can't take their eyes off me. No man would ever get me for that amount of money.

I told my mother that I was going to write to you and she said 'Pastor would understand'. I have an aunt in America. She is trying her best with me. She has helped to support me from the time I was a child. She is married and has her own home. But she is very strict; she said I should forget about boyfriends until I am older. She has a daughter my age and I will have to share room with her daughter. I have a boyfriend but I have not told her.

Every time I think of leaving my mother, I feel very sad. But if I go away, it would be better for her and my grandmother. I am not a bad girl. Although I am 17 and I have a boyfriend, we have never had sex. So I am still a virgin. I feel better writing to you.

My father was a fisherman and he was half Indian. That is all I can say about him. My mother made a mistake by getting involved with my father but I don't hold that against her. My future is bright. I hope that I will leave Jamaican soon.

B.L.

Dear B.L.,

First of all, I am happy that you have done well in school. I am sorry that you have not had the privilege of knowing your father.

I am sure that if your father wanted to keep in touch with your mother, he could have done so. Perhaps he looked at the sex that he had with her as a 'hit-and-run' thing. It was just like a one-night stand. She was in need of some money, $1000, and she allowed him to have sex with her and he never touched her again.

I am sure that your grandmother made sacrifices for you and when you look back now, you are happy that you were treated well by your mother and your grandmother and your aunt who lives abroad, and has been able to assist you financially. Even now, your aunt is willing to have you travel to America and to live with her and attend school.

I congratulate you. You have done well. Please keep me informed of your progress.

Pastor