Hubby’s sex toy sends me to ‘cloud nine’

Dear Pastor,

I am 23 years old. My husband and I are going to be separated for six months, and he has suggested that we purchase a vibrator. I have friends who use them, but I have never done so. My husband says that before meeting me, he had girlfriends who used them and he has no problem if I wanted one. He went to the US for one week and when he came back, he brought two vibrators. I decided to try one in his presence and it almost made me go crazy. I am sure my neighbour heard me making noise and wondered what was going on. Now whether my husband is available or not, I have my vibrator, and I don't care what others want to say about it, and whether it is right or wrong to use it.

G.J.

Dear G.J.,

Sometime ago on the Dear Pastor Talk Show, a young lady called in and she said she was just coming from church.

She wanted everybody to know that she was a Christian, but sometimes she felt for sex, and she knew it was wrong to fornicate. So, she bought her vibrator and she used it whenever she felt for sex. She went on to say "Pastor, I am just coming from church, I have my vibrator; whenever I use it, I wash it and I put it away and the good thing about it, it does not cheat."

It is not for me to condemn you or your husband and to declare whether it is right or wrong for couples to use vibrators. When I was in training in seminary, and even after I graduated, these topics were taboo. People were scared to talk about them. But people are not reluctant in doing so any more and they expect counsellors like myself to be true and honest to them in our answers, because people face problems like these. Many relationships will not last if counsellors fail to speak the truth and to help couples, whether they are young or old.

I recently had to counsel a woman whose husband is totally incapable of having sex. She said that she is often tempted to go outside the marriage to get satisfaction. Would it be wrong if her husband should provide a vibrator for her? It might save their marriage. My answer to them is that it is between the both of them and they have to exercise common sense.

Pastor