Babyfather has never given me more than $500

Dear Pastor,

I am 23 and I have one child. My child's father and I started our relationship when we were in high school. Everything was going well until he got involved with another girl.

He was very popular, because he was on the football team. I didn't make that bother me, because I know that some girls love men who play football. He got me pregnant and I had to drop out of school. It was embarrassing to attend school with my stomach. The principal told me that the administrators would work with me, but my main problem was embarrassment. So my parents did not push me to go to school; they said it was up to me. I tried to study on my own, but it was hard to do so after hearing that my babyfather had got another girl pregnant. He denied it, but when my father saw him and asked him whether he got another girl pregnant, he admitted it.

My father told me to end the friendship with him. My mother also told me that he was a dirty dog, and she was embarrassed to know that I went with a guy who got another girl pregnant at the same school. Presently, I am in college. This guy has three children with three different women. He does not give me any money for my child, but my brothers and my father help me.

I have another boyfriend now, but I am so scared of men. My boyfriend had to coax me to go to bed with him. The reason I did is because his parents have accepted me as a part of their family, and they consider me to be decent. His father is a fireman and his mother is a civil servant.

I will graduate next year, and we are planning to get married. The only drawback is that he is planning to further his studies abroad, and he does not want to leave me in Jamaica. I told him I will be true to him. We plan to work and study together if I am fortunate to get a student visa. He would also like to change the name of my child. I am thinking that might be the best thing to do, because her father has never given her more than $500 since her birth. When he found out that I had a boyfriend, he told me that I was now with a rich family so I didn't need any money from him. Now I can see why my mother called him a dog.

Do you think I should allow my fiance to adopt my daughter after we are married? My mother thinks that's a good idea.

G.

Dear G.,

I am sorry to know that you got pregnant while attending high school. You knew that this young man was popular because he was engaged in sports, but evidently he could not control his sexual desire. So he had a number of girls and, perhaps to show how popular he was, he impregnated three of them, including you. It is unfortunate to know that your parents called him a dog, but they did so because they were embarrassed and disappointed in him.

You are now 23 and you have bounced back, so to speak. You are now in college and trying to keep your head high. At present, you have a boyfriend who appears to be a good man. Your parents love him, and his parents love you. He has good plans for both of you. I hope these plans will materialise. You need not worry about losing him if both of you love each other and continue to plan together, and work towards your future. Both of you will need guidance.

Concerning whether he should legally adopt your daughter, your daughter's father would have to give consent. It is not too early for you to speak to an immigration lawyer about this matter. I wish this man and you well. Let me hear from you again.

Pastor