Think dad is planning to cheat on my mom

Dear Pastor,

I am a 19-year-old woman and I am living with my parents. My mother is not well, but my father tries his best to take care of her.

He goes to work in the morning and he comes home early in the evening, because he knows that I am in school at that time. My mother cannot walk very well. My father is everything to her. Sometimes I use his car to go to school, but most times I take the taxi because if anything should go wrong, my father wants the car to be available to take my mother to the doctor.

My father has a lady friend. When I suspected that he was seeing her, I asked him and he denied it. But one day I saw my mother crying and I asked her what was the problem. She said that she heard my father talking to a woman, telling her how much he loved her, so she broke down and cried.

I told my dad that he was hurting mama, and that she heard him when he was talking to a woman. He said it was just talk; he and this woman have never gone to bed. So he said he will keep his voice down whenever he is talking to the woman. He thought my mother was sleeping.

My mother said that my father used to massage her legs, but these days when he comes home, he doesn't have any time for her. I believe my father is speaking the truth when he told me that he had never gone to bed with this girl who likes him. But I would not be surprised if he is planning to do so.

My mother said my father was very wild, but she cooled him in her younger days. My father said he would never do anything to hurt my mother, but that she has always been a very jealous woman.

S.T.

Dear S.T.,

It seems to me that your father is a good man. He loves your mother and he is endeavouring to take good care of her. But your mother needs more of him. She needs his attention. But he is not a bad man. He comes home early and he sees to it that she is comfortable. Perhaps he has spoiled her by doing certain things for her. He cannot change now; she needs her massage. Perhaps he should ask a masseuse to come by and give her a therapeutic massage from time to time.

Your mother knows the type of man your father is, and other women would see him and like him. She heard him speaking to a woman on the phone and she is old enough and intelligent enough to know that this is not any ordinary conversation. Your father was very romantic with this woman on the phone. Your mother believes that now that she is not well and cannot satisfy your father sexually, he may seek sexual gratification from other women.

Your mother might be jealous indeed, but she is not foolish. Your dad is careless.

I am glad, however, that you and your father have a good relationship and you can talk over these things.

Pastor