My boyfriend is just too jealous

Dear Pastor,

I am 20 years old and I have a boyfriend. He is very jealous. I told him that if he does not stop, we cannot continue to be friends.

Because of my job, I am always with men, but they respect me. They know that I have a boyfriend. Sometimes while I am at work and my boyfriend calls, I cannot answer immediately and whenever I return his call, he makes a big fuss and wants to know why I did not answer.

I have many opportunities to go with other men, but that is not my lifestyle. I could have received a promotion in the company, but I refused to sleep with my supervisor. My boyfriend is upsetting me and I cannot take it any more. He is the third man in my life. When I agreed to become his girlfriend, I told myself that was it. It took me a whole year to make up my mind. The last man I had took me to Montego Bay for the weekend, and I told him it would be the last time we were going to have sex because I found another man. He asked me why I didn't tell him. He said that if I did, he would not have taken me. I told him I was sorry. I did not answer my phone the entire weekend.

My boyfriend asked me what I was up to and I told him the truth; he was furious. I told him I had not given him my answer about whether I wanted a relationship with him and I took the entire weekend to consider it. I did not tell him about the other guy, and that we had sex. I just told him that I was sorry for not answering his calls. Can you imagine how he would react if I had told the truth?

Apart from that occasion, I have been true to this man. He is a loving man. I am getting to really love him, but he is too jealous. My friends say that it is infatuation. He does not want me to go anywhere without him. Sometimes I wonder what is going to happen to this relationship. He is 40 years old and I am 38. When I ask him why he has to be so possessive, he said he does not want to lose me. He has been married twice and they ended in divorce. Should I let this man go his way?

I am not with him because I want what he has. We are both in good jobs. I can support myself. He told me that he loved me at first sight. The love for him has grown. If he does not behave himself and control his anger, I may have to leave him. He does not threaten me, but he does not always believe me. As I see it, he is always lusting at me, and he calls that love. I told him that he has to learn to trust me. He replied that it was hard for him to trust women because his former wives had affairs. He lives in a nice house but I am not interested in that.

Please help me.

Anonymous

Dear Writer,

This man is old enough to trust you. If he loves you, he has to learn to trust you, unless he knows that you are not trustworthy and that he has enough proof that you are going with other men. Foolish men seem not to realise that if a woman wants to cheat she will do so, whether the man is watching her 24/7 or not. Evidently, this man has not been able to overcome what his previous women did to him.

In my work as a counsellor, I have talked to these types of men. They are always mentioning what they suffered in past relationships, and they are so scared that other women may do the same. I tell these men that they should not be involved with other women until they have overcome the past. Such men will use women only for sex. They often say that as men, they must have women, but they don't trust women. But they want women to trust them.

The question is: what do you expect to get out of this relationship? This man was married twice. You did not say whether you were married. I hope you won't be mad at me, but I believe that you need to encourage this man to go with you to see a counsellor. Whenever this man mentions marriage, tell him that you are not interested. Even if you were to marry this man now, the relationship will not last. I can sense that in my bones. This man is behaving as an adolescent. He needs psychological help. Take my word for it. He is not ready for a serious relationship. He thinks that he is, but he is behaving like a child. Both of you need to sit with a family counsellor.

Pastor