I want to remain a virgin until marriage

Dear Pastor,

I am 16 years old and I never had a serious boyfriend. Guys tell me that they would like to be friends with me, but I have not found them to be attractive. I am in high school and would prefer to have a boyfriend who is older.

I went to the country and I met a guy. He speaks very well and he is smart. But he turned me off because of the way he dresses. He wears his pants almost below his bottom. One day I asked him why and he said that it is the style. He pulled them up, but the next day when I saw him, he was dressed the same way. I am a Christian and I would love to have someone who is a Christian, but I am not ready for a serious relationship. My best friend gave away her virginity the day she became 16. Her parents had a party for her at their home. Then a couple of her friends took her for a ride and left her alone with a guy who liked her. They had it all planned. He asked her for sex and she gave it to him. But he had another girlfriend, so they broke up.

As a Christian, I want to keep my virginity until I am married. I want to be a teacher. I am hoping to attend a Christian college. My parents have been saving to help me to fulfil my dreams. When I graduate from college I should have lots of time to think of a man. Sometime I feel like most girls and want to go out with a guy, but it is not my number one aim to have a boyfriend. What can I do to keep sexual feelings out of my mind? Some of the girls I consider to be my friends are immoral, and they say that sex is something I should try. But I learn from the Bible that it is something that should be practised within marriage.

We had a discussion among us girls at school and a couple of them, who are sexually active, asked what would happen if a girl finds out that her husband cannot function after she is married. Most of them laughed and said that is why a girl should try sex before marriage. I know nothing is wrong with me. I am a girl through and through, and when I get married, I hope my husband will not be disappointed with me.

I will be looking out for your comments.

D.C.

Dear D.C.,

You have high Christian standards. There are many young women who are like you. Some have started out well, but have regretted that they 'fell'.

In moments of indiscretion, they get carried away and have sex. So many young people have told me that they became sexually active on their 16th birthday or after that.

I shall never forget the young woman who told me that her parents had a birthday party for her. They were cooking and they ran out of salt, so they asked her to go to a neighbour for salt. A young man who had his eyes on her decided to accompany her. He used the occasion to have sex with her. She got the salt from the neighbour, but that young man was able to have sex with her before taking her back home. It was her first time. She told me that when she got back, they asked her why she took so long, but she could not tell them what happened. When it was time for everybody to dance, she was dancing but feeling much pain.

Some men tell young girls that if they don't have sex, they will go crazy. That is not true at all. You have good plans for the future. Continue to focus on your studies. If it is the will of the Lord for you to get married, He will allow you to meet a good man whose desire is to serve Him, and for both of you to work together and make a good contribution to society. Yes, you should reject every man who wears his trousers below his bottom. Don't listen to the girls who feel that you ought to follow the crowd. You know that peer pressure is real, but you have to fight to keep your standards high. Remember that to have sexual feelings is normal. Everybody goes through that. To have sexual feelings doesn't mean that you are not a good Christian.

Pastor