Husband doesn’t want to migrate

Dear Pastor,

I am 27 years old and I have two children. I do not want to have any more. I am a working mother. When my husband and I were dating, I told him that I only wanted one child.

He had two children before, so he agreed that one between us would be enough. After I had my first child, friends told me that if I continued to breastfeed I would not get pregnant. I believed them. I did not talk to my doctor about that. I looked at my mother, and her children are at least three years apart.

When I missed my period, my husband said I could be pregnant. I told him no because I was still breastfeeding. He laughed at me. When it was confirmed that I was pregnant, I could not believe it. I cursed all my girlfriends. But my husband was happy. Now we have two lovely children. I don't miss having sex with my husband without using the condom. Six months ago, I was celebrating my birthday and I became a little tipsy, but I was not drunk. My husband tried to enter me and I got up and went to the drawer where he keeps the condoms and put one on him and we had sex.

My husband commented later that he was trying to see how it would feel to have sex 'bareback' with me again. I told him that when I become old and cannot have any more children, we can abandon using the condom. I have spoken to my gynaecologist and she said that it is a myth that when a woman is breastfeeding she cannot become pregnant.

I have another issue, Pastor. I am planning to migrate, but my husband does not want to live abroad. He said that in Jamaica he considers himself a first-class citizen, so he will not go abroad and live as a second-class one. Before we got married, he did not have a permanent job and we were always talking about going to live in America. Since he got a permanent job, nowhere is better than his Jamaica.

I have a green card and I have to travel and spend a number of months to maintain my status. We do not have a house in Jamaica, but my parents are willing to help me to buy a home in America. I am ready to go. But I don't know what to do with this man, and I am not willing to leave him.

What can I do?

Anonymous

Dear Writer,

I hope that as the days go by, your husband will come to realise that he should keep his word. He made a promise to you that he would migrate, and now he is backing away. I hope that he will not cause you to lose your permanent status in America.

I can't tell you what to do, but you have two children and you have to think about them and their future. The opportunities in America are vast and your children can do well there. From what you have said, you will get lots of help from your parents, and perhaps others.

I can see that you love your husband. I hope that the both of you will be able to come together and make the right decisions.

Pastor