Daughter thinks my girlfriend is too young

Dear Pastor,

I am in my late 50s. I lost my wife three years ago, but I am active in my church and I really miss the wonderful partner I had.

We had two children, but they are living abroad. My son got married and has given me a grandchild. My daughter is not married, but she has settled down in America.

They talk to me every day. They are concerned about me, especially since I told them that I am friendly with another woman. My son told me that he understands, so I have his blessings. However, my daughter thinks that this young woman is too young for me. She is 35. Our relationship started two years ago.

When my wife died, her sister used to come and clean my house and wash, and I paid her every week. She has her man. She is living with him, but they are not married. She showed interest in me but I told her I was not interested because I couldn't see myself having a relationship with my former wife's sister. She called me a fool and told me that her sister was dead and I couldn't get her back. She was available, so why couldn't we get together? I told her that people would cry shame on me and she should remember that my children would think little of me.

She kept pushing and one day after she was finished working, she had a shower. Instead of changing her clothes in the bathroom, she came to the living room where I was watching television and paraded herself only in her panty. I was not impressed and I was shocked. So I told her not to come back. That very night my son called me and asked me how I was doing and I told him about what his aunt did. He was speechless. He told his sister and she called her aunt and they had an argument. This woman called me and cursed me. She even used indecent language. She said that it looked as if I had gone 'on the other side'.

Now the young woman who I have working here with me attends the same church. She started to work for me and I got to love her. She has one son and the father has not been supporting him, so I have taken on the little boy as my own. I not only pay her for working for me, but I give her money to send him to school. For the most part, I think that this woman has got very close to me because of the way I treat her son. I told her to keep quiet about our relationship. But now people in the church can see that we are lovers. So I discussed the matter with my pastor and he did not give me 100 per cent support. He said that she is too young for me and I should look at other sisters in the church.

My daughter says this woman is likely to cheat on me. I disagree. I would like to get married this year, so I want your advice. I do not look my age, I look younger. Before this girl leaves for home on a Friday, she puts out the shirt and tie that I should wear for Sunday morning service. I like that. She cooks and brings me my dinner after church. What more can I want?

Excuse me for saying this, but the sex with her is very good and I believe it can get better after we are married.

P.O.

Dear P.O.,

In my opinion you did the correct thing when you told your late wife's sister not to come back to your place.

Even if this woman wanted you to know that she loved you, she should not have told you that her sister was dead and she was available. She should not have exposed herself to you. You are a good man. You did not encourage her to cheat on her man. She wanted more than sex. Perhaps she had her eyes on your assets and she preferred to have you rather than her man.

I do not agree with your pastor. This young woman is not too young for you. However, I do not mean to imply that when a man is in love with a woman in her age group, he should rush into marriage. So out of love and concern for you, your pastor is advising against the marriage. You should know whether you can handle this woman. I have seen women who are much younger than their men remain very faithful; others have not. Make sure both of you go through counselling sessions.

Your daughter is concerned, but you have to make the final decision. Bear in mind that you should not totally ignore how your daughter feels.

Pastor