Tired of my aunt sheltering me

Dear Pastor,

I am 18 years old and I need your advice. I believe that I know what I should do, but I am writing to you as a father, as I respect the advice you give to people.

I grew up with my aunt. She does not have children. She took me from my mother when I was two years old. I grew up as someone who was privileged. I always had my own bedroom and I was never hungry.

My aunt was very strict, and she would beat me if I attempted to get out of hand. However, I don't have any marks on my skin from her beating. I always went to school. The only time I missed school is when I was not feeling well. I missed school for three days straight when I began to see my menses. It was so bad that my aunt had to take me to the doctor, but I was always in school.

My aunt used to have a male visitor and one day she caught him staring at me. When he left, she asked me if he had ever put any question to me and I asked her what she meant. She said she wanted to know whether he suggested to me that he loved me. I told her no. Whenever this man came to the house, my aunt used to tell me to go into my room and study. She didn't want to see me talking to him.

I did well in school. I got six Caribbean Secondary Education Certificate passes and I am planning to attend university. I would like to go to The University of the West Indies, but my aunt prefers that I go to another university. I love my aunt very much, but I am 18 and I should be allowed to make my own decisions. I have never had sex and my aunt feels that if I am away from her, I will have all the opportunities to date men. Sometimes I say that she should trust me because I don't have to be away from her to have sex. I could have taken guys into my aunt's house because she is not there 24/7, but I have not.

Even one of her church brothers has put question to me and I rejected him. I told him that if he should ask me to kiss him again, I would tell my aunt. He begged me to keep that a secret. I also told him that I will tell his wife that he is a devil. He has a daughter my age, and I didn't expect him to want to have a relationship with me.

I am not a bad girl. But one of my former male teachers is always showing interest in me. I know he likes me. One day he asked me if I liked him and I told him that I liked him as my teacher. He told me he wanted me to like him in a different way. I told him he has to take off the belly because I don't like big-belly men. The truth, however, is that I am not interested in him. He is part of the reason why I would love to leave the area in which we live. I don't want to see him all the time.

Y.

Dear Y.,

I am glad to hear that you are doing very well. You have been diligent in your schoolwork. It seems to me that your aunt has done her best to protect you. But, if she has done her best to guide you, she should have confidence in you. She should know that you would not do anything to bring shame on the family.

You are very fortunate to have had such an aunt who raised you as her own. You may think that she was too strict, but I am sure that looking back at some of the young people in your age group, you are happy to know that you were privileged to have your own room and to attend school every day.

Your aunt did not trust any man around you; not even her man. You are 18 and looking forward to attending university. It is time for your aunt to reason with you and to allow you to choose which university you would like to attend. If your aunt is going to pay your tuition, accept what she says.

You are fearful that you might become involved with your former teacher. However, if you do not love him, he can say whatever he wants and you can brush that aside. You cannot prevent birds from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from making a nest on your head.

The cost to attend university is high and your aunt, I am sure, is thinking about the cost also. Both of you should discuss the matter and arrive at a decision. I wish you well. You are a good girl, be proud of yourself.

Pastor