Boyfriend says I am too fat

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 years old and I am having a problem. I am going to evening classes. I am fat. I like the way I look, but my present boyfriend is encouraging me to take off some weight. I asked him why and he said I am getting bigger and bigger, and soon I will not be able to sit in his car.

My boyfriend is part of the reason why I have got so fat. Whenever he comes to meet with me, he brings fast food with him. In addition to fast food, he is always bringing me cakes and ice cream for dessert. I asked him how come he wants me to take off weight and he is always feeding me with fast food. It is more than one year that I have not cooked dinner. I make breakfast though.

My mother is very fat, but my father is slim. My mother says that we are from 'big breed'. I went to the doctor and she said that I am in good health. I told her that my boyfriend is concerned about my size and she told me to cut down on my starches and sugar.

I don't understand my boyfriend because when we met, he loved my size. He told me that he did not want a girl who was just skin and bone. However, he now fusses about my size.

I have another problem, Pastor. My boyfriend wants me to get pregnant but I am not ready. I told him I am not ready but he said he is ready to be a father. We used to use the condom, but we stopped. I am using the pill and he is not aware of it. Do you believe that I should tell him that I am on the pill? Because every month he is wondering why I am not getting pregnant and he discharges in me.

I love this man but I am not sure that I want a child. I am still attending school. I know I have a weight problem, but as my mother says, we are from 'big breed'. Thank you for reading my letter.

K.

Dear K.,

Some men like to buy fast food every day for their women. When it's not chicken, it is pizza. Sometimes it is chicken every day and pizza on weekends.

Because of this, their women become very lazy. The only exercise they get is in the bedroom. This man is feeding you on fast food and you are getting bigger every day, then he blames you for putting on so much weight. He is not fair to you. However, you can stop him from buying these fatty foods and learn to cook a balanced meal. If you cannot cook well, you can learn.

I have always felt that when women say they are from 'big breed', it is an excuse for them to overeat and claim that they cannot control their weight. Some women became so fat (and I hate to use that word) that they are unable to walk. I have seen oversized women on the street struggling to walk. Now, if a woman has a problem and she is on medication, that's a totally different thing. I believe that a woman can learn to control her weight by eating right and by getting proper exercise.

Having said the above, this man still loves you. He is not threatening to leave you and what will please him more is to get you pregnant. You told him that you are not ready, but he is ready to be a father. Therefore, he has stopped using the condom, but unknowing to him, you have gone on the pill.

I must warn you that one of these days he will find out that you are tricking him and he will become very angry with you, and may accuse you of cheating. Therefore, I suggest that you maintain peace with your boyfriend and tell him that you are on the pill.

I wish both of you well.

Pastor