My man hates my daughter

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem with my boyfriend of 11 years, and I have had enough. I am a mother of four kids, one boy and three girls. It happened that I met this man while I was working at a bar in 2009. We began to talk for about four months before we started out intimate. He told me he didn't like his woman working at bars and what is it that he can help me to do. I told him I don't work there because I like it, it's just that as a single mom, I have to provide for my kids, and I would even do housework to support them.

Anyway, Pastor, he really helped me to get a different job and I started to work overseas, and I do my best to call and talk to him as much as I get a time off. Everything was going well until my teenage daughter started to misbehave, and while I was away, he would go to the house to check on them and make sure everything was okay.

Pastor, I cheated on him once and he cheated also. But, Pastor, he was cheating with my neighbour's daughter and got her pregnant. I wasn't aware about that until the baby was about one year old, and it was the grandmother of the child who told me about it. Anyway, we had a big quarrel over it. As time went by, I forgave him because I love this man, and for a man to take up a woman like me with four children and take care of me is a godsend. So, my family and friends told me to forgive him, and I did. I still travel to work overseas, but things got worse between my teenage daughter and this man because he is a strict person.

When I came back to Jamaica, we all talked about it and my daughter was very rude with him, so I started to build my house and let him stay in one room until I am finish, because he and my daughter are not getting along well. It happened that my daughter graduated from high school with eight subjects and I was so proud of her. But everyone makes mistakes, and while I couldn't afford to send her to college as yet because it has been me alone, no father around, she got pregnant. And that devastated me a lot. I was upset because I have tried my best with all my kids.

DISRESPECTFUL

They are so disrespectful at times to me, but I still don't give up on them. My boyfriend doesn't talk to my daughter because she is very rude to him and sometimes to me, but I can't hate my kids. I have to pray and hope they will change one day. But the biggest problem is he hates my daughter and he never looks at my grandchild, and it grieves me dearly because no matter what, the baby is innocent, so why can't he love my grandchild?

My daughter is not living where I am living anymore but she comes by my house at times with my grandchild, and if he is here, he leaves once they arrive, and it hurts a lot. If I buy anything for my grandchild, he questions it and asked why I have to buy it because the baby has a father and a mother. It is like he doesn't want me to give my child or grandchild anything, and I told him nobody can stop me from doing it. I wish he would get out of my life and leave me alone. And, Pastor, I meant it. I cry day and night each time.

Even when I am away it hurts like hell. I don't have any more feelings towards this man because of how he is towards my daughter and grandchild. I don't care what he does anymore. I just don't love him anymore. I care about him but I don't love him. We are still living together, but I think whenever this COVID-19 is past and all is well in the name of Jesus, I will leave even though it is my house.

Please, Pastor, can you give me some advice? Thank you, have a blessed day.

L.T.,

Dear L.T.,

You have admitted that your daughter is disrespectful to the man. And your children have been disrespectful to you. And that is indeed regrettable. Concerning the relationship between you and this man, you have to be careful what you do. He has made a fool of himself by having a relationship with a young girl and getting her pregnant. But I am glad that you have forgiven him, because you have cheated on him also.

However, I want to caution you to be careful what you do and how you treat this man. Try not to do anything that would cause him to believe that you are ungrateful to him. Nevertheless, if the love that you had for him has gone cold and you do not love him anymore, make sure you part in peace. Remember where you are coming from and what he has done for you. I wish you well.

Pastor