HIV positive boyfriend don't want to use condom

Dear Counsellor,

I recently found out that my boyfriend of over 12 years tested positive for HIV, however I tested negative. He has two girlfriends, me and another woman and we are both aware of each other. As a matter of fact, we live very close to each other but in separate houses. He does that because he wants all of his children to grow up close. Counsellor, I love my boyfriend very much and wants to be with him. My greatest fear, though, is to continue having sex with him. Whenever he approaches me I do not know what to do. I really want to start the new year doing the right thing, but I am not even sure what the right thing is. I should tell you that my boyfriend does not really like to use the condom because of religious reasons. However, few times when I asked him to use it, he reluctantly does so. Counsellor, is it alright to continue having sex with him?

Mystified Lover

Dear Mystified Lover,

Sorry to hear about your boyfriend's HIV-positive status. Sex is an important part of human life and relationships. While some people will choose not to have sex after they find out they are infected with HIV or living with AIDS; others will still want to express themselves sexually. Both approaches are possible and the choice is up to the individual and their partner(s).

Like everyone else who have sex, people who tested positive for HIV, the virus that causes AIDS, should practise the same kind of 'safe sex' as those who are uninfected. They should use a condom every time they have sex (oral, vaginal or anal). Condoms, when used properly, are highly effect in preventing transmission of HIV or other sexually transmitted infections, and it allows people with HIV/AIDS and their partners to continue enjoy sexual relations. Therefore, the decision to have or not to have sex with your partner must be carefully assessed in terms of risk level, your safety, and at the same time, fulfilling your partner's needs. You may want to get individual counselling from a counsellor knowledegeable about HIV to help you to alleviate some of the fears you may have and to help you with condom negotiation skills.

Dear Counsellor,

My teenage son is sexually active and it seems he is all over the place. I have never been comfortable discussing the subject with him, but I am scared that he may contract AIDS. I saw a few condoms in his room, but I know that does not mean he is using them. I remember in my days my husband - who was then my boyfriend - just walks around with condoms, but we never used them. I know youngsters these days are a little more exposed and informed. So then, is it all right to think he will also be mature and practise safe sex?

Anxious Mother

Dear Anxious Mother,

I would not bet on it; this is no reflection on your son's maturity. Our experience is that many young boys, older than your son, have difficulty deciding to use condoms for protection. Moreover, teenagers tend to romanticise sex, preferring spontaneity to the practical act of slipping on a condom. Though your son is level-headed to be carrying around condoms or stocking them in his room, the possibility of contracting HIV, the virus which causes AIDS, may not be foremost in his mind. I would suggest that if you are too embarrassed to talk about the subject with your son, you could ask an aunt or some other adult with whom he is close to discuss the subject with him. In the long run, your comfort is a small price to pay to ensure that your son is equipped for life.

For more information on condom use, HIV/AIDS and other sexually transmitted infections, call the AIDS/STD Helpline at 967-3830, 967-3764, 1888-991-4444 (toll free).